The Bully Proof Classroom

PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT OPPORTUNITIES FOR TEACHERS

Husky?

Written By: James H Burns - May• 16•13

Oh yeah, I was an overweight little boy. So much so, that when my mother took me to buy clothes I went to what I thought was a special clothing store for boys like me, fat. Why did I think this? Because when I walked into the store, the opened tie, crossed arm, wrinkled shirt, cigarette smoking salesman, took one look at me from head to toe, looked at my mother, pointed to the back of the store and said, “Husky.” Gee did I feel special, until I discovered that the store I was in was one of the only stores around that sold clothes for fat kids. Sure, I said it, for fat kids, because that’s how I felt like a fat kid, and that’s how I was treated. Special stores for special kids who were fat. My skinny friends bought clothes from all kinds of stores; I was relegated to one store, and one style. I certainly was not one of the cool kids, and at times felt isolated and excluded.

My dad who was a baseball fan encouraged me to try out for little league. I remember during one game, I struck out, thought I walked and ran to third base. A laughing stock; but, my biggest humiliation was not the fact that I didn’t understand the rules of the game but rather, not having a uniform that fit. Why? They didn’t make Husky. I liked and still like baseball, but I was uncool. I was uncool until I was in the seventh grade and attending a Catholic grammar school. We were playing a pick-up game out on the blacktop I and hit a softball about 300 feet. Out of the blue I was cool. During the winter of 1968-69 I lost weight, worked out and got into great physical condition, and in the spring played baseball with anyone who wanted to play. Throughout my teen years I played baseball in The Joe Medwick League, The Babe Ruth League, High School, and American Legion Leagues. Was I that good?  No, but I knew how to compete. I could have been better, but I lacked confidence. I still felt the exclusion of the tag that was pinned on me when I was seven years old, Husky.

Kids become overweight for a variety of reason; poor self-control, introduction of a poor diet, anxiety, and comfort, to name a few. Clothes are now made for kids of all shapes and sizes. Clothes should not define a kid, but our society and our culture create such clothes competition that socioeconomic status is defined by the types of clothes kids’ wear causing rumors, gossip, and ridicule in school. Kids don’t know but they should know that they can’t judge a book by its cover and they can’t use clothes as a benchmark for who they choose as friends, and who they associate with.

I have two daughters who have bought a variety of clothes from a variety of stores. When they were younger they always wanted designer clothes and as teenagers lost weight to wear the fashion conscience clothes that their peers wore. Now, they buy clothes from Target or Wal-Mart because frankly designer clothes are too expensive and they just don’t really care anymore. But, when they were younger the true reason they lost weight to wear designer clothes was because designer’s force exclusion by manufacturing clothing that fits only up to size ten. My daughters were not even close to being overweight, and still they had trouble buying designer clothes.

Abercrombie and Fitch have just crossed the line by redefining the word Husky. If you are Husky, shop somewhere else because we don’t make clothes for plump kids. Why? Because cool has been defined as skinny, and those who are not skinny are just uncool. They are encouraging kids strange as it may seem to exclude their peers because of clothes competition and body type. Exclusion is one of the worst forms of bullying that kids experience today. The isolation and the loneliness kids feel is horrific. The hit that a child’s self-esteem takes because of exclusion can last a lifetime. The brainwashing that our kids are experiencing today by the media is going to impact them and possibly their children. We can’t allow our children to isolate, exclude, bully, or harass others because of race, creed, color, or religion. But, truly we can’t allow the subliminal seduction by Abercrombie and Fitch, along with other clothing manufacturers that is redefining us as a culture going forward which is affecting the well being of our children for just being Husky.

 

Read the Story Here

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/abercrombie-fitch-sizes-fire-critics-normal-sizes-sold-19141661

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Majoring In Minors

Written By: James H Burns - May• 10•13

New York City Schools Now Ban Butter

Okay, we have now entered The Twilight Zone. The City of New York’s department of education has concluded that butter is a threat to its school children and will severely discipline cafeteria workers who order this now banned substance and use it for preparing school meals. Mayor Michael Bloomberg leads this charge I’m sure, just as he led the failed charge to stop the sale of extra large sodas in the city. He’s worried about kids becoming obese. This is the same Michael Bloomberg who was the master of ceremonies at this year’s hot dog eating contest on Coney Island. In his speech during this glutinous event he stated that he was honored to be there to support these great eaters. What a hypocrite.

Childhood obesity, it’s the schools fault right? I don’t think so. Quite frankly I am sick of the schools getting blamed for what goes on in a dysfunctional society. Neil Cavuto a news caster for Fox News had fitness guru Jack LaLanne on his show about three years ago. The interview took place the day before the biggest eating day of the year, Thanksgiving. He posed the question to Jack; “Jack what we are going to do about this problem of childhood obesity and diabetes.” Jack emphatically answered; “The first thing we have to do is to get all the junk out of the schools.” Excuse me Jack, is it the schools fault these kids are overweight?  Furthermore, not all kids are overweight, and should not have to be put on an institutional diet consisting of carrot sticks, and raisins. The kids who are going to eat junk food were introduced to it in their home by their parents and developed a taste for it long before they got to school. Sure, bar it from school, they’ll eat it at home.

Parents today are banned from coming into school with cupcakes to give to the teacher for a birthday celebration for their child. They almost have to go through a cupcake detector before they enter the building. It’s easier to get into the building with an automatic weapon then to sneak in with a pan of cupcakes. If Bloomberg is so worried about the health of our children then ban cigarette sales. He won’t because the taxes from cigarette sales support the city’s economy.

The Gestapo tactics that are being used by Bloomberg and the city’s department of ed. are the same things educators discourage kids from using when interacting with their peers; threats, intimidation, bullying, and control. Greg Floyd, president of Local 237 Teamsters, which represents the kitchen managers, said it best when he stated, “We understand the need for healthy meals, but we do not appreciate the administration bullying our members without giving them instructions on how to prepare meals” (Daily News Article) http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/education-department-cracks-butter-cafeteria-article-1.1339986.

As a society and as a culture the focus has been placed on the wrong things and in the wrong place. Will banning butter create a kinder, caring, and more respectful learning environment? Will restricting a person’s personal dietary freedom eliminate behavior problems, violence, disrespect, and bullying from our schools or moreover from our culture? Stop the insanity, stop majoring in minors and realize that narrow minded politicians are trying to legislate morality and are becoming a bigger problem then butter could ever be for our children and our society.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Lie, The Con and The Withhold

Written By: James H Burns - May• 07•13

Four years ago, Sandra D. Brower, then the assistant superintendent in Wall Township New Jersey, received an email from a principal saying a parent had claimed a teacher sexually touched a 4-year-old child, according to court documents.

Police found no truth to the allegations.

But the case didn’t stop there.

Brower never contacted police, as required by law, according to an indictment against her Monday. The indictment charges that when Brower was confronted by police later, she not only lied to them, she had emails altered and then fired or otherwise removed staffers who knew the truth. (Excerpt taken from The Asbury Park Press, click the link) The Lie, The Con and The Withhold

Here you have the reason why documenting and reporting are so important. Educators are required to report to DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services)  allegations of child abuse, and now in New Jersey any incident that could be bullying related. I have a few questions though. The Principal of the unnamed school in Wall Township was the first responder in this situation; whether it happened or not, all who are in education today have to learn to cover all the bases. Why did he or she not report the incident immediately to DYFS? After reading this article I am surprised that the school principal is not on the carpet as well.

There is really something to be said here about the psychological and emotional makeup of those that are in leadership positions today in education. Leadership is seeing further down the road then those around me can. Many school leaders today can’t see any further then the nose on their face. They fear confrontations which they are going to have, maybe daily. Because of this fear they don’t want their boat rocked and they fall into the trap of lying to others, conning people, and in this case withholding information. Why not report the incident to DYFS? What could happen? Let DYFS do their investigation and make their determination. All reporting is really is the transfer of responsibility. When events like this are brought to the attention of any school administrator what they have to realize is if they hear it or if they see it, THEY OWN IT.

Fear of a parental, teacher or community reaction is not a reason to withhold information. The more that is withheld the greater the cover up. As is the case here, deletion of emails, transferring or terminating staff, and now we have a superintendent (Sandra Brower) placed on paid leave pending an investigation. The tax payers of Lacy Township are now paying her salary for an event that occurred in another district. Fear has a way of enveloping us and causing poor decisions to be made. Sandra Brower now has to ask herself if withholding information quelled her fear. It probably did temporarily, but now she has a greater fear to confront; the fear of possibly never working again and maybe doing jail time.

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Bullying: A Vicious Cycle

Written By: Devyn Rush - May• 06•13

There is a lot of talk about bullying these days, and it seems as though the epidemic is getting worse and worse. The more we talk about it and bring attention to the bullying and suicides, the more often they occur. It’s like bullying and suicide have become trends.

So what is this?

My observation is that everything in this universe is cyclical, spinning and spinning and creating its own momentum.

The sky absorbs water from the earth, rain then falls and lands back on the earth, only to be absorbed again and turn into rain again.

Rain is the cause of Rain.

A person is teased and ridiculed by another person, he then ridicules and hates himself, thus causing him to hate, tease, and ridicule other people.

Bullying is the cause of Bullying.

And then there is another cycle I see…

A students reads from a textbook in school and learns all about the wars that have been fought in the world throughout history. Meanwhile, he is told that there is a zero-tolerance policy for violence in school, and if he should break that rule, he will be punished. However, as soon as that student turns 18 and graduates, he can go to war – sometimes against his own will – and be given a gun to fight… This war in which he partook will then be written about in textbooks, to be discussed in school throughout the years to come.

What kind of message are we sending to our children?

It seems a bit mixed and hypocritical to me…

Bullying is a heated topic for discussion nowadays. We talk about the bully as the antagonist, the victim of bullying as the protagonist, the parents of the victim who are reluctant to send their children to school… The other day, I even saw a commercial for a new online schooling program, that is available to students who are being bullied, so that they do not have to go to school in person anymore…. What are we doing?!

Let’s talk about the issue. Let’s talk about who is hurting here.

The victim? Yes. Who is the victim?

Our first answer to this would most likely be, “The child who is being bullied, of course!” And yes, I agree. That child is a victim. But who else?

The bully. The bully is hurting.

“Hurt people hurt people”

- Will Bowen

It’s all a cycle. The child who is initially hurting the most, is the bully.

So now what do we do?

Does it still make sense to simply instill a non-violence policy in school?

Does it still make sense to simply punish the child who breaks the rules?

We need to show compassion and love to the child who is hurting so much, that he has to hand his negative energy to another child, as if to say, “Please. Let me just share my hurt with you, so that I don’t have to bare the burden all by myself. It’s all I have to give.”

Rain is the cause of Rain. Bullying is the cause of Bullying. And guess what else?

Love is the cause of Love.

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Revenge: The Greatest Motivator

Written By: James H Burns - May• 02•13

Why is it that every time a school shooting occurs that everyone who knows or knew the perpetrator identifies him/her as a troubled person who was reclusive and exhibited all manner of anti social behavior? Never fails. Here are some of the comments that have been made about Adam Lanza the perpetrator who entered Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Connecticut and opened fire on December 15, 2012 killing 26 people, 20 of them were children.

“Adam Lanza has been a weird kid since we were five years old,” said Tim Dalton, a neighbor and former classmate, on Twitter. “As horrible as this was, I can’t say I am surprised.”

“This was a deeply disturbed kid,” a family insider said. “He certainly had major issues. He was subject to outbursts from what I recall.”

A further family friend said he had acted as though he was immune to pain.

“A few years ago when he was on the baseball team, everyone had to be careful that he didn’t fall because he could get hurt and not feel it,” said the friend. “Adam had a lot of mental problems.”

“It was almost painful to have a conversation with him, because he felt so uncomfortable,” said Olivia DeVivo, who sat behind him in English. “I spent so much time in my English class wondering what he was thinking.”

“He didn’t fit in with the other kids.” “He was very, very shy. He wouldn’t look you in the eyes when he talked. He didn’t really want to lock eyes with you for very long.”

It’s almost as if everybody knows, but nobody cares, or maybe they do care but really don’t know what to do. They continue to walk amongst us being spoken about as weird by neighbors and family members who wish they could take a peak into their secret life and discover what conclusions they have drawn about life. Who or what are they angry at, and what measures will they take to get even with the world maybe for just being born.

Revenge: the greatest motivator known to mankind. It’s been around since Cain and Abel affecting those who have been victimized by life, either physically, emotionally, or mentally. The problem is the victims get even with the wrong people.According to the United States Secret Service since 1999 thirty seven of the school shootings that have occurred have been carried out by those who were victims of bullying.

Bullies are motivated and driven by power, victims are motivated by revenge. Victims are compilers. They compile information about people who have victimized them and about their inabilities to speak or act with confidence. They do this until their cup just plain runs over. The pain has to go somewhere which is why after the victim exacts his revenge he/she will usually take their own life.

“There’s something happening here. What it is ain’t exactly clear. There’s a man with a gun over there. Telling me I’ve got to beware.”  For What It’s Worth – Buffalo Springfield

 

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Playground Politics

Written By: James H Burns - Apr• 11•13

School Dodgeball Ban: New Hampshire District Stops ‘Human Target’ Sports, Citing Bullying.

Students attending Windham schools in New Hampshire won’t be dodging balls during gym class anymore. The school district voted to ban dodgeball and other “human target” sports in a recent 4-1 decision, according to multiple sources.

“We spend a lot of time making sure our kids are violence free,” Windham Superintendent Henry LaBranche told the Eagle-Tribune. “Here we have games where we use children as targets. That seems to be counter to what we are trying to accomplish with our anti-bullying campaign.”

As adults we spend a great deal of time to ensure the safety of our children and of course take all the steps necessary to help them cope and deal with the bullying behavior in schools, and in their community. But let’s take a look at what is really happening here, and why we have to help our children develop greater resiliency and learn how to compete and develop stronger pro social skills through something that I call play ground politics.

As a young boy on any given summer day I would leave my house early in the morning with a bat, a ball and a glove and would play baseball until the sun went down. No supervision, just a gang of guys playing ball together. We had a couple of bucks in our pocket, for a soda and a hot dog, took breaks, welcomed other kids who wanted to play, worked on our skills, set up our own rules, and in general had a great time. Did we all get along? Of course not. Were there bullies amongst us? You bet. Did we experience at times some fear and intimidation because of these bullies? We did. But, everyone stayed and played, we solved our own problems, we learned how to get along, and discovered a healthy pecking order on the field. What we learned on that field were lessons that lasted a lifetime. We all knew how to play the game of playground politics. I am not a proponent of bullying, nor do I believe that bullying is some sort of right of passage. I do believe that bullying is on the rise in part because of the inability of our kids today to develop greater emotional resiliency and solve interpersonal problems on their own. One of the goals of any anti bullying program should be to strengthen the victim and provide them with the pro social skills necessary to function in an adult world. The superintendent of the Wyndham school district in New Hampshire wants to be sure that kids are violence free; I agree. But, let’s work on the displaced anger of parents who are at a loss themselves when it comes down to teaching their kids interpersonal skills and in that effort really take a stand, by helping to eliminate the absolute dysfunction that plagues our schools. Competition is healthy and kids need to learn how to compete in a healthy way. They learn from competition. Banning dodge ball, is only the beginning, there are plenty of sports that could be viewed as exclusive and potentially violent. Football, hockey, Lacrosse, even soccer can involve body contact. Sports do involve exclusion, or at least they are supposed to because someone has to win and someone has to lose.

Let’s take a look at what kids could learn by properly playing the game of playground politics and how it can benefit them as they move into adult life.

Life is not Win-Win – My daughter Grace was and still is involved with a traveling soccer team. Several years ago at the conclusion of the season she and all of the other team members received a trophy at an end of the season party. Grace never missed practice, went to all of the games, and to boot she was the MVP of the team. She received an additional trophy because of this accomplishment. On the way home in the car Grace said to me; “Dad you know that about half of the team missed practices, didn’t go to some games, and really never gave their best efforts when they played. How do they deserve a trophy?” Well, how do they deserve a trophy? I don’t really know. I do know this though, everyone is not a winner. If that were the case we wouldn’t have a Super Bowl, World Series, or political elections. The game of playground politics needs to reinforce the fact that there are those that are bigger, better, smarter, and stronger and recognize those kids for the skills that they have and not put them on the same level ground as everyone else. Because the ground is truly not level. As a young boy myself, I knew that I didn’t have the same skills in baseball as some of my teammates, I still respected their skill. The good feelings came because I worked, and practiced, and put forth my best effort. Did the team always win? Of course not. We lost a lot. Watching the movie Moneyball really hit home with me. Billy Beane the general manager of the Oakland Athletics put together a baseball team that in 2002 that won twenty consecutive games. They went to the playoffs and lost in the first round. His heart and soul was in constructing a team on a shoe string budget, and he did. But in the final analysis he is still trying to win the last game of the season, which would make the Oakland Athletics the World Series Champs. Everybody doesn’t win. There are winners and there are losers. Losers lose for a variety of reasons, and they have to accept the lose as part of life.

Competition is a Good Thing At Any Age – As adults we compete all the time for promotions, academic recognition, and at times status. It is part of life. Kids need to know how to compete in the real world as soon as they enter the game of playground politics. Our society wants to eliminate games like dodge ball, tag, and even spelling bees because of the belief that it promotes exclusion and we don’t want kids to feel bad. Well, by eliminating competition kids will begin to feel good about themselves for no apparent reason. They will develop an entitlement mentality and believe that the world revolves around them. They will not have a clear understanding of their own limitations and will begin to see competition as a threat to who they are as a person. Several years ago a school district in northern New Jersey faced a dilemma. Six students had grade point averages that were so close that they couldn’t decide who the valedictorian of the high school was going to be.

The simple use of a calculator could have helped determine who it was going to be. But because of the fear of parental complaints and law suits, you guessed it all six students were named valedictorian. The parents and the students feared the competition and believed again that we all win.

Playground Politics Teaches Respect For Someone Else’s Ability – Some kids can run faster, jump higher, and are just genetically better athletes and at times better students. Kids know on the playground that if the kid that was “IT” in the game of tag was the fastest running kid in the school that he wasn’t going to be “IT” for very long. His speed was respected. The last thing we want to see is the best hitter on the baseball team coming to bat with the bases loaded. Kids need to learn how to be respectful and at times admire those with greater ability then they have. By admiring I don’t mean to feel inferior to someone, but just to recognize it as something that is unique to him. Kids can become fearful and at times angry when they enter into competition with someone who has greater athletic or academic skills then they have. The schools then eliminate competition because they don’t want to affect the self esteem of the child. This does nothing more then to prepare him for a life of jealously and envy as they grow older and only wishing that they were someone else.

Playground Politics Teaches Kid How To Make Friends – Kid want and need friends, but knowing how to pick friends is a troublesome job for some. Games like basketball, football, and other sports teach kids a sense of team play. I am not talking here about sports that kids play in an organized way as part of a traveling league or as part of a high school team. I am talking about the games they play by themselves as part of recess during the school day. Most kids today have not been taught how to organize themselves, pick teams, and get a game going. Putting together a pick up game helps kids make friends; friends with similar abilities who they can play and compete with on a reasonable level and offer encouragement to one another. I hate to say it, but once parents and coaches get involved in organizing kids the sense of fun and friendship seems to be taken out of the sport and the kids seem to suffer the frustration, anxiety, and tension of the completion which is imposed upon them by a coach. That is not what competition is about; it’s about camaraderie, encouragement, and a love for the sport they are playing.

The Playground Teaches Balance and Academic Consistency – In almost every state today kids have to pass a standardized test that determines their placement for the next school year. Not to mention the state funding that the district gets if all kids do well. School have been trained that teachers have to teach to the test so when the springtime comes and the test is administered all students will have the requisite academic skills in order to pass. All fall and winter kids are subject to what I call drill and kill. Less and less time gets spent moving around and more and more time is spent in a seat. Recesses are shorter and student behavior has gotten worse. The kids get out of balance and suffer from what I call a scarcity mentality. What this means is that time for movement is scarce so the student has to figure out a way to steal it during class time. Gone are the days when if a student finished his/her work they could go outside and play a game of kickball. Now, when the work gets done what the student has to look forward to is, you guessed it more work. An abundant mentality teaches that at some point I will be able to move and play, so by completing the work in a timely fashion I will have that opportunity. Students develop greater academic consistency and success by being given the time to be involved with free play.

Coaching Is Not Just About Sports – If we want our kids to develop pro social skills we have to coach them through the game of life one step at a time. We have to teach them how to be graceful losers, develop friendship skills, how to compete in a respectful and responsible manner, and how to solve interpersonal problems where space is allowed for productive conflict. This will not happen over night. The bullying epidemic which society faces today is a direct result of exclusion. Too many things have been excluded from our schools that help teach kids how to get along and develop the necessary confidence and resiliency to face their fears and understand how to function as part of a class, a group, or a team. This problem is beyond the dodgeball story cited at the beginning of this article. The Wyndham school district was just reacting possibly to one parental complaint. Dodgeball only gave those who were bullies a chance to act out. Discipline the bully then and let the rest of the kids have fun.

 

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The Top 10 Anti Bullying Tips for Victims

Written By: James H Burns - Mar• 10•13

IDENTIFY the difference between jokes and serious statements.

CHOOSE friends with caution. Friends can be bullies, too.

WALK AWAY because your self respect is important to your well-being.

ACCEPT an apology from a bully only when you feel they deserve it.

EXPRESS your feelings appropriately, don’t let it get to the point where you seek revenge.

DOCUMENT any acts of bullying that you observe because journaling can help in problem solving

PARTICIPATE in activities that you enjoy and that you do well.

SEEK HELP and don’t take overwhelming matters into your own hands.

ARCHIVE threatening text, emails, or facebook post in case they’re ever needed later.

FACE your fears by asking yourself what you are really afraid of.

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Do Bully’s Have Low Self-Esteem?

Written By: James H Burns - Feb• 25•13

Psychologists used to believe that bullies have low self-esteem, and put down other people in order to feel better about themselves. While many bullies are themselves bullied at home or at school, new research shows that most bullies actually have excellent self-esteem. Bullies usually have a sense of entitlement and superiority over others, and lack compassion, impulse control and social skills. They enjoy being cruel to others and sometimes use bullying as an anger management tool, the way a normally angry person would punch a pillow. Research does support the fact that bullies have low empathy, and they really don’t know how it feels to be in someone else’s shoes.

A bully is motivated by power. He/she is very clever and can victimize anyone. He likes controlling other students, and sometimes likes controlling his/her parents and teachers as well. As long as the bully is able to manipulate another person or a situation, his/her self-esteem remains high. Once a bully loses control of their victim, or realizes that they can’t manipulate situations to their liking they begin to experience problems with their self esteem and they will then seek out other people to manipulate and control to raise their self-esteem. It almost becomes an emotional fix that they need in order to feel good about themselves.

Intervention programs usually work to help the victim, and rightly so, the victim needs assistance in dealing with the person who is bullying them. In working with the bully we need to help the bully find things that will help him keep a consistent self-esteem index. Everyone has ups and downs in life, and bullies should experience the same ebbs and flows that are associated with becoming an adult. A bully’s self esteem cannot be based on how they treat others. If clear lines are not drawn and the bully is allowed to continue his behavior without consequence we are doing nothing more than prepare him for prison.

 

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Everybody Knows

Written By: James H Burns - Oct• 18•12

Yes, everybody does know. In this world of dysfunction, deviance and denial how could anyone not know? In the world of education there are things that go on that are so obvious that denying them is just embarrassing and we all should be red faced. There is an 800 pound gorilla in the room and he is being ignored and the path of least resistance is being taken. What are these things that educators, parents and society knows but for some reason won’t discuss or won’t even admit? Let me share with you my thoughts on ten things that everybody knows.

Everybody Knows: That disrespect is pervasive in society. Students aren’t corrected for it and they become adults who believe that they can say and do whatever they want. And that includes instilling the fear of God into a teacher who tries to correct their kid. Teachers complain about it, but no one talks about the problem. Why? Because this fear ascends the ranks and school administrators and even the superintendent live in fear of irate parents. No one confronts and everybody runs. The schools are controlled by 20% of the parents with the biggest mouth, and the most threatening attitudes and behaviors.

Everybody Knows: That no one has self control. Have you looked at the condition of society? 1 in 4 homes are in foreclosure. I guess we can blame the banks, or can we? Everybody wants something bigger and better. To get bigger and better the money has to be made to get it, unless the bank doesn’t care. But, in the final analysis the decision is made by the buyer.  Teenage obesity, diabetes, addiction, alcoholism, are all evidence of the lack of self control in society. And oh, did I mention anger issues and the left over bitterness from childhood that gets carried into adulthood reeking havoc on families. Society has lost control of its thoughts, its words, and its actions. Everybody knows. What produces a nation of people with self-control, consequences do. Unfortunately many people are sitting in that leaking boat right now and are experiencing the consequences of a lack of self control.

Everybody Knows: That we have medicalized education and have gotten to the point where meds are the first choice in treating behavior problems not the last. Oh, don’t get me wrong medication has proven to help kids with ADHD or ODD. Talk to any therapist though and they will tell you that medication in combination with therapy is the plan that nets the best result. In schools meds are relied on too heavily, and need to be used in combination with solid discipline and effective consequences.  Realistically though where were ADHD and ODD 40 years ago? They didn’t exist or they weren’t invented yet. Why, because kids with behavior problems were few and far between. Authority was respected by parents and students. What happens when we discover that disrespect is now the norm and not the exception, we create a condition to support the behavior. If a kid acts up today it is usually attributed to the fact that he doesn’t take his medication consistently, when in reality he is not being disciplined effectively.

 Everybody Knows:  That the statement, “I like you, but don’t like your behavior” is a lie. Be honest you don’t like the kid. The truth is we are all are measured by our behavior. I own my behavior, I am my behavior. Like me but not my behavior, stop it. There are some adults that we don’t like because of their behavior, we might be married to one, are kids any different. The truth is I don’t like you because of your behavior, and I go home every night praying that you take the next day off.

Everybody Knows: That years ago the only thing we wanted was for a kid to obey, now it’s the last thing we get. As a matter of fact obedience has become a dirty word. The educational gurus who have spent their time attacking education from a theoretical standpoint, but never really spent any time interacting in a classroom with a group of wild kids liken the word obedience to dog training. They fear that we will destroy the creative side of a kid’s brain by not allowing him to choose and by forcing obedience. Okay already, let’s change obedience to compliance. The definition; doing what you are told when you are told to do it, with a good attitude. The NJ Turnpike has a sign posted right after you pay the toll, it reads; You have left the NJ Turnpike OBEY local speed laws. I guess we only have to obey as we get older.

Everybody Knows: That we lie to kids, and we have inflated their grades because we don’t want to destroy their self esteem. By the way, what is self esteem? Today kids feel good about themselves for no apparent reason. It is almost impossible to be left back, and if a kid has low test scores the teacher always gets the blame. So we let the kid know that he is doing great academically, inflate his grades and give him a false sense of his academic ability. Don’t worry someone will tell him, like the college he will be trying to get into in a few years. Then for sure everybody will know including him.

Everybody Knows: That excuses are built around circumstance, environmental and genetic circumstance. Crimes get committed and circumstance is always brought up. Tough up bringing, or he was raised on the wrong side of the tracks are just two excuses used. We are determined, that’s who we are, and we can’t change. Circumstances only influence they don’t determine behavior. Provide enough excuses for anyone and they will provide you the evidence to support your belief. Teachers have been forced to excuse behavior by a dysfunctional system. A system that has been shoe horned into education by a dysfunctional society.

Everybody Knows: That parents need parenting. The question is who is going to do it? After speaking to hundreds of parents about their children what I discovered was they don’t talk to their own parents. They lack discipline skills and are so angry and lost that they take out their rage on their own kids. Three generations of dysfunction. Everyone knows it, and talks about it, but no one knows what to do about this disaster that Everybody Knows.

Everybody Knows: That kids don’t fear anything today. As a matter of fact parents fear their kids more then kids fear their parents. Systemic discipline is just a slap on the wrist and dysfunctional schools fight dysfunctional families. While all of this is going on the kids watch, laugh, and say and do what they want without any real consequence.

Everybody Knows: That kids have lost their ability to get along and are rapidly becoming adults who have matured physically, but not mentally, or emotionally. Society has been taught to disagree, but with the wrong attitude, so don’t disagree with me or I won’t like you. Disagreements are things that get walked away from because of the fear of conflict. The idea that a productive conflict could exist and the two parties involved could leave enough space between them for a disagreement is too tough to imagine because egos are just too big. Win-Win, can’t happen because someone always has to win and someone has to lose. Don’t talk too loud now because someone will hear, and even your whispers will get back to the wrong person, like your boss who will muzzle you and make sure that you always walk the line of political correctness. EVERYBODY KNOWS that we are all victims of bullies and we will be for a lifetime. We still fear man and the man with power determines how intense that fear will be. EVERBODY KNOWS that bullying is intergenerational and for it to go away, which it never will it is not about the 20% of kids who bully right now in our schools, communities and families it is about what they become as adults.

 

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10 Hardcore Signs That a Child is Being Cyber bullied

Written By: James H Burns - Aug• 03•12
  1. Does the child spend long hours on the computer and or a mobile device?
  2. Does the child close his or her browser or mail windows immediately when an educator and/or parent enter the room?
  3. Is the child evasive when an educator and/or parent ask about his or her Internet activity
  4. Is the child’s history folder always cleaned out?
  5. Is the child less attentive in school or falling behind with school work and requirements?
  6. Are the child’s grades failing or getting worse?
  7. Has the child’s eating habits changes?
  8. Does the child frequently complain about stomachaches?
  9. Is the child openly fearful especially when friends are brought up?
  10. Is the child emotionally distant?
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