My daughter who is twelve participates in a variety of different sports, and activities. She is attending middle school right now and is involved with cheerleading both at the school and community level. What never ceases to amaze me is that every sport hands every participant a book on sportsmanship. In other words how should we treat members of the other team and our fellow teammates? What is even more interesting is that you get the feeling that the behaviors like respect, and responsibility, kindness, caring, and other character qualities are only deemed important when the individual is on public display because they don’t want to make the team look bad. As an example one handbook reads:
All students who represent ___________ School on an athletic team are expected to conduct themselves in such a manner as to reflect credit upon ________School.
I think what is a concern here are the words; on an athletic team. Suppose you are not on an athletic team? Student’s need to work on reflecting credit upon themselves, that will in tern help credit the school for contributing to the student’s life.
Let me make an important point here, if certain behaviors were worked on consistently and if individuals were measured by behaviors like respect and responsibility a handbook on sportsmanship would not be necessary. When there is a norm in place you don’t need rules. The problem is that society doesn’t have a norm any longer and wants to create a new norm that’s more situational and leaves people floating around in a gray abyss instead of understanding the benefits of a black and white mentality. If our norms were based on character many things would be understood and behaviors like disrespect, and unkindness would be the anomaly and those that displayed those behaviors would be on the outside looking in.
Sadly the problem that society faces is parents and the intergenerational tendencies. Sportsmanship handbooks weren’t necessary 40 years ago because parents understood the meaning of respect and wouldn’t dare question a coach or an official. On a personal note if I complained about a coach or a teacher to my father he would say the coach wasn’t tough enough on me. Today if a child goes home and complains about a coach the parents come right in in defense of their child berating the coach and their abilities. As the decades passed and complaining became the norm what one generation did in moderation the next one did in excess. Now coaches and teachers are always looking over their shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop because they corrected a student or an athlete. They knew that it is only going to be a matter of time before mom or dad came in to put them on the defensive.
The problem with parental over involvement comes at times from the lofty expectations that parents have for their children and at times they can vicariously try and live their life through their children which can create stress and tension for the child potentially impacting them throughout life. I started doing the math many years ago and finally worked out the numbers. There are about three thousand professional baseball players in the United States and that includes minor league teams. I am not including Japan or other countries that play in the World Baseball Classic every four years. There are eight billion people living on the planet. The chances are greater that a kid will be hit by lightning than becoming a professional baseball player. Professional baseball players are the cream, cream, and cream of the crop and have certain physical abilities that are innate to them and only them. When scouts talk about a five tool player they refer to a player’s ability to run with speed, has a strong throwing arm, can hit for average and hit with power, and can field their position well. These are all God given abilities that improve with practice but really it’s all about natural talent.
I am not too concerned about teenagers understanding those numbers, I think they do, but I don’t think that parents have a clear understanding of those statistics and further more believe that their kid is going to be the next Bryce Harper. It’s not the belief that’s troubling it’s what parent’s do with those beliefs that can make life miserable for a lot of people. Let’s be clear, coach’s coach, parent’s parent, player’s play, and officials officiate anytime these three things get co-mingled and they start stepping on each other’s toes it is a recipe for disaster with the player losing and I don’t mean the game.
As adults we have created this culture in a very innocent and unwitting way, and now we have to dismantle the Frankenstein Monster. We have to stop telling parents and children what they want to hear and be truthful about their academic and sports related ability regardless of any unrealistic parental expectations. Billy Beane of Moneyball fame was drafted in the first round by the New York Mets right out of high school. He was identified by scouts as that five tool player we spoke about earlier. He played for a short time in the major leagues and then went into scouting. He never made it as a player but became a successful general manager of the Oakland Athletics. He was successful, but not as the player that everyone thought he would be.
When Bryce Harper made it to the pros as an outfielder for the Washington Nationals Davey Johnson the then manager of the team asked him how he felt, Harper responded; “This is the most relaxed I have ever been in my entire life.” Harper knew that he was hit by lightning and that he was the one in eight billion who became a professional baseball player. He truly did make it. Everyone else will have to just keep on trying but in reality all kids have the potential to be great people but not all professional athletes. Even if a kid gets a scholarship and is all state in his sport he will always be a big fish in a small pond so let the kids have fun, let the coaches coach, and help parents understand how unrealistic expectations can do more harm than good.
Let’s Teach Kids How To Play Again
Dealing With Angry and Irate Parents
