by James Burns | Oct 13, 2018 | Baby Boomers, Behavior Management, James Burns, Parents, The Bully Proof Classroom
I never wanted to go to college, never thought I was smart enough. My father had different plans for me. He told me I was going. I wanted to take over the family business which was a bar. I mean after all in my senior year in high school
I was taking classes like Chinese Literature and wood shop. I don’t think I took one college level class in high school so how would any college accept me. I made a deal with my father I would apply to three colleges and if any one of them accepted me, I would go. I applied to a junior college, a state school, and to some school in the back woods of Virginia. They all accepted me. I went to the state school.
I think I mentioned this but I’ll say it again my first semester in college I had a 1.0 cumulative average. That’s a D. I got a letter from the college telling me to shape up or I was going to be asked to leave. I showed the letter to my father and said to him “See I told you I couldn’t do it.” He looked at me and said “You better do it because I am selling the bar.” I ended up graduating from college with much help from professors. My cumulative average: 2.9. If you do the math you will find out that is just about all straight A’s.
What motivated me you might ask? FEAR with a capital F. I had to do it. There was no safety net. Yes, I was afraid, scared, and a lot of other things but you know what…I did it. I once worked with a great psychiatrist and he made the most unbelievable statement to me you could ever imagine. He said to me “Jim, before a kid can be really disciplined, you have to have fear.”
Not a fear of physical punishment but a fear of disappointing someone, or even a fear of a strong reaction. I think the word that has gotten lost today is respect. I will usually respect what I fear. Do kids today have a healthy fear of adults? Do they respect adults or better yet one another? Kids today believe they can say and do what they want, when they want. It is time to begin to instill a healthy fear again into our kids and make them shutter at the idea that they might disappoint someone. I am really sick of the “I don’t care attitude.” If it wasn’t for fear, I wouldn’t be writing this essay right now.
by James Burns | Oct 11, 2018 | James Burns, Parents, The Bully Proof Classroom, The Ramblings of a Dinosaur
Wounds Can Be Healed With The Right Words and Actions
As a young boy I experienced all kinds of problems in my family. My father was a bar owner and a binge drinker. His behavior was very unpredictable at times, and we never knew what was going to set him off. We were always walking around on egg shells because we didn’t want to say or do something that would send him off on a drinking binge.
I knew though that my father had a real interest in me, and wanted the very best for me. He just had a hard time expressing how he felt. As I became older and entered my teenage years my dad started to enjoy watching me play high school and community league baseball. He would go to my games, leave alone when the game was over (as I went with my friends), and would usually say very little to me about my performance. I never really expected him to say anything, so I was never disappointed.
During the summer of 1971, I was 16 years old. My first cousin, Jim, and I spent a lot of time together at each other’s houses. We played baseball and hung out with other kids. I enjoyed the visits and so did he. He was an only child and I was the only boy in my family. We had a lot in common, and during this time, we were pretty good friends. My cousin wasn’t quite as good at baseball as I was but he was what I call a rooter. He enjoyed watching baseball and really enjoyed watching me play.
During one of his visits, I had a scheduled game. I had to be at the game early so my dad and cousin came later. During the game I had three hits including the game winning hit. I was the catcher and threw three runners out trying to steal second base. I had a great game. When the game was over my dad drove my cousin back to his house, and I hung out with my friends.
I went home, went to bed, got up early the next morning and left the house. The normal routine was that my mother would open the bar in the morning. My father would sleep a little later and then relieve her in the bar around 11:00 in the morning. He would work until about 4:00 in the afternoon and then come upstairs and take a nap. I can always remember him sitting in his recliner napping in the afternoon. He needed that nap; he was in his late 50’s and had to be ready to work the night shift.
That afternoon, I returned home around 5:00 to find my father in his recliner, but he was awake. He jumped up out of his chair like he had a spring under him. He ran over to me and hugged me hard and said, “I was so proud of you last night.” I thanked him, and I felt him squeeze me like he never did before. I felt the warmth of his body, but even more felt the warmth of his words.
I’m in my 60’s now and I still remember that hug and those words. Some-times parents can say so much to their kids about their performance that it can almost seem like white noise. Most kids know their parents are going to speak well of them because they are their parents. But sometimes kids can get a false sense of their abilities when their parents go overboard with the praise. But, the right words of praise and encouragement at the right time can actually change a child’s life. In my case, my dad didn’t offer a lot of praise. As a matter of fact he was very critical of me at times.
This experience was life-changing for me. I quickly forgot all the times my father had said critical things to me. As a father myself, I know I have the power to determine how my own children view themselves. A father’s words do truly make a difference.
by James Burns | Sep 25, 2018 | Anti Bullying, Anti Bullying Tips, Bully Proof Classroom, Education, Lesson Plans
Teachers have to meet the rigors of their day each and every time they walk into their classroom. They have to follow the guidelines of state and local mandates, as well as follow the policies and procedures of their school. Teaching is hard work; I have spent 11 years in the classroom, 19 years as an administrator and the last 11 years as a college instructor and a consultant. I have heard the complaints and I am letting you know that I understand. Planning has become robotic and almost impossible as you try to meet the educational needs or all of your students. Behavior problems have become an issue as disrespect and irresponsibility remain rampant, and the bullying epidemic just seems to be claiming more victims. I have heard the concerns and want to help, but nothing comes easy. Below you will find what I believe to be a summary of the items on a teacher’s checklist for planning. I have attempted to offer as much as I can for as little cost as possible. Take a look at the list if there is something there that you need than click to read more.
Lesson Plans, all teachers need and want lesson plans that are meaningful and can be used more than once.
Strategies, teachers are always looking for a better way to manage student behavior, and address the learning needs of their students.
Unit Plans, something that may be a dying art but teachers need a way to really help embed information into their students long term memory.
Presentations, it’s always good to have a power point or two that can be used to address issues in your classroom that need to be addressed like relationships or bullying.
Books, all teachers like reading them especially when they provide an answer to some problems that are recurrent and are becoming a disruption to the learning environment.
Podcasts and video casts, a nice way to gather information right off your phone or tablet at your convenience.
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