by James Burns | Mar 7, 2018 | James Burns, Parents, Podcast, Teachers, The Bully Proof Classroom, Uncategorized
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sroom.com/parents-can-bebullies-too-2 and read this article. Based upon the previous tip, it is obvious that bullying is wrong and it will not be tolerated. But, what do you do when parents are bullies? The real reason why parents argue with teachers and administration is because they will never win the argument at home with their own child who they, as the parent, never corrected. They are, in many ways bullied at home and react out of fear; this fear is taken out on the teacher in the form of anger and rage. They are not doing their child any favors because their child is going to have a difficult time in life when Mom and Dad are not around. What’s the answer? When dealing with a parent who is a known bully, never go at it alone. Always meet with them when you have the support of your colleagues or the administration. Parents who are bullies will usually believe what their son or daughter tells them. Things like “the teacher doesn’t like me,” or “the teacher is always picking on me” are common cries from students who are bullies. When you meet with these parents, they go on the attack and become accusatory, putting you as the teacher on the defensive. Chances are, if their son or daughter is a bully, they are a school-wide problem as well, and other teachers and administration have observed their behavior. Having the support of your team when meeting with a parent avoids the idea that you are picking on their child.
by James Burns | Feb 11, 2018 | Behavior Management, Bully Proof Classroom, James Burns, The Bully Proof Classroom
“It doesn’t mean that much to me to mean that much to you.” Neil Young sang this verse in his song “Old Man.” Significant others. We all have them, and we all have had them: those that have impacted our life in such a way that we can still hear their voice calling us long after they have passed on. My dad was very significant in my life. He was hypercritical, I always sought his approval—it was tough to get. Sometimes I just wanted to give up. I mean, what’s the use in trying? I thought, “Can’t please the old man no matter what I do.” The story is too long to tell here, but after he attended one of my baseball games and saw, I mean really saw the type of baseball player I was, he told me that he was so proud of me and hugged me. I don’t think he had a clue as to what that meant to me. I forgot all the past criticism and have hung on to those words to this day. He probably changed my life and didn’t even know it. Whether we want to believe it or not, as adults, we are significant to others right now. It’s time to realize how much we mean to our children, our spouses, and as educators, those we teach. How much does it really mean to you to mean that much to another person? It doesn’t matter what you have said or done in the past; a life can be changed with the right words at the right time. Often, we allow our past to dictate how we are going to treat others; don’t let it. The bullies and the victims of this world are crying out for significant others. Their parents may not be doing enough to fill the void in their hearts and souls. Come to terms today, and I mean right now, on what you really mean to others, and take the time to let them know how much they mean to you. If anyone would like the full story about my dad you can view the video by clicking the button below.
by James Burns | Feb 7, 2018 | Conduct or Clinical, James Burns, The Bully Proof Classroom
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Bullies and victims suffer from clinical issues all the time. Depression, anxiety, and mood swings all are part of the bully/ victim dynamic. As these issues become more and more obvious, the natural tendency of parents and educators is to lower their expectations and modify the school environment to reduce academic and behavioral pressure. This may not be the best idea. Kids who already feel less-than-adequate and are suffering from a low sense of self-worth don’t need to feel any less capable then they already do. So let’s try something different: make any modifications you need to help kids who have been identified as “clinically involved.” But, slowly increase responsibility over time. Get him/her to a point that when he/ she has completed an assignment, arrived to school on time, or confronted a bully by being brave for two minutes, he/she feels like it was done on their own. Lowering expectations may appear to be the best thing to do at the time, but understand, we need to prepare kids to function in the real world where modifications may not exist. Kids will always provide you with the evidence to support your belief, so start believing that they are capable and they might surprise you.
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by James Burns | Feb 4, 2018 | Anti Bullying Coaching and Resources, James Burns, Teachers, The Bully Proof Classroom
Often times when we hear things or see things that require us to take action, we become fearful and can often rationalize it away. This can be done by convincing ourselves that it is not as serious as we thought, the kids were only kidding, or worse yet, act like we never saw it or heard it. Years ago, teachers used to quake in fear at the thought of reporting a case of child abuse to the authorities. As an administrator, I was often asked to make the phone call by a teacher. I did on one occasion and was told that the person who observed the abuse or heard about it needed to make the report. With the emphasis placed so heavily right now on anti-bullying, it is critical for teachers to understand their resources when dealing with an incident of bullying. Teachers are the first responders and are in the trench observing students on a daily basis. If you hear or see what you believe is a bullying incident, know who to go to for help. An administrator or guidance counselor is a good place to start. In doing this, you will never be alone in the ownership process. You will always have full ownership if you don’t report it at all.
by James Burns | Feb 3, 2018 | James Burns, Teachers, The Bully Proof Classroom
When we give instructions to a student, we make two very important assumptions that may or may not be true. We assume that (1) they heard us, and (2) they understood us. Dealing with student behavior requires as much instruction as does the academic curriculum. What do you do if you ask a student to do something and they don’t do it? The assumption is that they were being uncooperative or maybe even willfully disobedient. That may not be the case at all. Before imposing a consequence question the student to determine if they did, in fact, hear and understand; leave the child with a warning. The warning is not a prelude to correction, but rather an opportunity to determine if your instructions were clear. If the behavior continues even after the warning, then you can be sure the student is being uncooperative. The trick though is to only give the student one warning. Too many warnings will only frustrate you as the teacher and send an inconsistent message to the student. A student who is a bully may need continued instruction about his behavior. Don’t let his/her behavior stop the process. Lastly, always be sure to impose the consequence after the warning. Never give up, and always be consistent.
by James Burns | Feb 1, 2018 | Attention, James Burns, The Bully Proof Classroom
The brain is a wonderful organ and it can be programmed by us and by others. The words that people say to us and the things that are done to us can produce a private logic that can either be believed or stricken from our conscious mind as being just or untrue. Your Reticular Activating System (RAS) is the automatic mechanism inside your brain that brings relevant information to your attention. The RAS is a filter between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. Let’s say you are sitting in your classroom and in the distance, you hear sirens. Your subconscious mind may say, “police, fire, first aid.” You are busy concentrating on something else, so your conscious mind focuses on the task at hand. But, then you notice that the sirens were from a fire truck and the truck pulls in front of the school. Your RAS immediately kicks in and those sirens that you heard earlier are now relevant to you. If you start to smell smoke well, now it really has your attention. A student may come to school with his/her conscious mind already programmed. He/ she may have let so many negative thoughts in that they may have become part of his/her belief system. The student may have been bullied at home or punished for small mistakes. His/ her siblings may have picked on him/her to the point that his RAS now allows only negative thoughts in. But worse yet, he/ she now believes them. Negative words and treatment are the things that get his/her attention and they begin to form his/her self-image. His thoughts become actions. The order of the day is to create a climate in your classroom that is kind, caring, respectful, and responsible. Think about the best teacher you’ve ever had, and how he/she got your attention. Keep a smile on your face and do your best to provide an equitable distribution of your passion and understanding to all of your students. Maybe we have to realize what gets our attention and how good it feels when a smile comes our way.
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sroom.com/parents-can-bebullies-too-2 and read this article. Based upon the previous tip, it is obvious that bullying is wrong and it will not be tolerated. But, what do you do when parents are bullies? The real reason why parents argue with teachers and administration is because they will never win the argument at home with their own child who they, as the parent, never corrected. They are, in many ways bullied at home and react out of fear; this fear is taken out on the teacher in the form of anger and rage. They are not doing their child any favors because their child is going to have a difficult time in life when Mom and Dad are not around. What’s the answer? When dealing with a parent who is a known bully, never go at it alone. Always meet with them when you have the support of your colleagues or the administration. Parents who are bullies will usually believe what their son or daughter tells them. Things like “the teacher doesn’t like me,” or “the teacher is always picking on me” are common cries from students who are bullies. When you meet with these parents, they go on the attack and become accusatory, putting you as the teacher on the defensive. Chances are, if their son or daughter is a bully, they are a school-wide problem as well, and other teachers and administration have observed their behavior. Having the support of your team when meeting with a parent avoids the idea that you are picking on their child.
