by James Burns | Jun 4, 2018 | Bully Proof Classroom, Compliance, James Burns, Parents, Teachers
STOP asking and Start Telling. If you want students to comply you have to stop giving choices and tell students exactly what you want them to do. Choices are something we all want and should be offered at times, but when there is a specific behavior you that you want your students to exhibit allowing choice only promotes confusion on the part of the students and frustration for the teacher. Compliance before choice is something that all students should understand. Students can’t say and do what they want when they want to do it. This 13 page guide provides instructions on how to do it with illustrations from the authors life and provides the language that will empower the teacher and create a positive school climate.
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by James Burns | Mar 14, 2018 | Anti Bullying, Anti Bullying 101, Anti Bullying Tips, James Burns, Parents, The Bully Proof Classroom, Uncategorized
Some parents have lost their perception of right and wrong behaviors, and sometimes even simple decisions are tough. It’s these parents that will try to bully the teacher and the school. They do not have the ability to cooperate when they disagree and can wreak havoc in an educational setting. These parents need to be agreed with immediately. You heard right; agreed with. But, agree in principal, not with the content. Let them know that you can see things from their perspective, but work with them to see things from your perspective. Instead of a tug of war, move to their side of the rope. Or better The young parents of today need parenting. Parents who have left home with a rebellious attitude may not even be speaking with their own parents yet, let go of the rope. Ease into conversations with these parents and lose your fear of being yelled at. Be an empathic listener, and don’t argue. They need to be taught, and you are going to do it.
by James Burns | Mar 10, 2018 | Behavior Management, Bully Proof Classroom, Parents
When kids are unhappy about something that happens in school and they believe that the teacher was the culprit, they will usually go home and complain to mom or dad. If the parents are weak, and are in a position of being intimidated by their own children, they will usually go to the school and argue for their child. Why? Because they can win the argument with the school, but they will always lose the argument with their own kid. I experienced this once: a child bullying his mother in my office. My response to the kid was, “don’t bully your mother in my office.” When this was said, the mom felt she now had an ally and became more assertive with her son. Husbands and wives may disrespect each other in the home in front of the children. Sometimes children will become one of the parents’ confidants and will have to listen to complaints about one parent or the other. Anytime you have an opportunity to stick up for or defend a parent when they are being bullied by their own child in your presence, do it. You will make a new friend, and your disciplining of that child will be easier going forward.
by James Burns | Mar 7, 2018 | James Burns, Parents, Podcast, Teachers, The Bully Proof Classroom, Uncategorized
Please go to http://bullyproofcla
sroom.com/parents-can-bebullies-too-2 and read this article. Based upon the previous tip, it is obvious that bullying is wrong and it will not be tolerated. But, what do you do when parents are bullies? The real reason why parents argue with teachers and administration is because they will never win the argument at home with their own child who they, as the parent, never corrected. They are, in many ways bullied at home and react out of fear; this fear is taken out on the teacher in the form of anger and rage. They are not doing their child any favors because their child is going to have a difficult time in life when Mom and Dad are not around. What’s the answer? When dealing with a parent who is a known bully, never go at it alone. Always meet with them when you have the support of your colleagues or the administration. Parents who are bullies will usually believe what their son or daughter tells them. Things like “the teacher doesn’t like me,” or “the teacher is always picking on me” are common cries from students who are bullies. When you meet with these parents, they go on the attack and become accusatory, putting you as the teacher on the defensive. Chances are, if their son or daughter is a bully, they are a school-wide problem as well, and other teachers and administration have observed their behavior. Having the support of your team when meeting with a parent avoids the idea that you are picking on their child.
by James Burns | Jan 24, 2018 | Bully Proof Classroom, Character Qualities, Honesty, James Burns, Parents, Principles
John Bradshaw, the adult child of alcoholic guru, spoke
this very telling comment about the truth. “Telling the truth prevents future pain.” Great principle. So why doesn’t everyone tell the truth? The answer is very simple. It takes a tremendous amount of emotional maturity to speak the truth. Often the truth can lead to a confrontation which is something a person who is emotionally immature can’t deal with.
Larry, a dear friend of mine, who unfortunately has passed away, watched me with my daughter one day. Anytime she did or said something that was wrong, I would have a huge reaction and start to yell at her about her behavior. Larry just kept observing this.
Finally he said to me, “Jim, by reacting the way you do, all you’re doing is grooming your daughter to be a good liar.” I finally understood what he meant when my daughter started to bend the truth a little. I would ask her a question and she would poke around verbally to try to find out what I wanted to hear. She did this to prevent my reaction. Emotionally mature people can speak the truth without fear of a reaction from another person, and can handle the truth when it is spoken to them.
In this country, we are so accustomed to dishonesty. One of our most popular presidents was most definitely an emotionally immature liar. In 1998, we watched as President Bill Clinton constantly deny his relationship with Monica Lewinsky. Why? Maybe he had a fear of an entire country and, of course, his wife Hilary’s reaction. When President Clinton continued to deny his affair, things only got worse for him as other women come flying out of the closet pronouncing that they also had affairs with the president. Clinton was also an expert in finding out what people wanted to hear and then he would tell them. People joked that he always agreed with the last person that he spoke with.
by James Burns | Jan 23, 2018 | Bully Proof Classroom, Character Qualities, Parents, Principles, Respect, Schools
I had a friend whose son was getting ready to go off to his freshman year of college. We drove him up to his college and we intended to stay up there for three days. During the five hour car ride there, he kept insisting that we leave after we dropped him off. We told him that we were definitely staying over for at least one night. After we moved him in we took him to dinner and walked around campus with him. I watched his body language and I realized that even though he had lobbied for us to leave in the car for five hours, he was glad we stayed.
This story is not unique. Parents today have a terrible time when their children leave home. That’s because they know deep down that they haven’t done enough to prepare their children for independence. Children today are not given enough basic responsibilities as they grow and aren’t prepared for all that lies ahead in their lives. These children haven’t learned enough about survival out in the dog eat dog world. They are emotionally immature.Emotionally mature people have certain characteristics that make it easy to recognize them. What are these characteristics and what does an emotion-ally mature person look like?
Emotionally Mature People are Respectful
People who are emotionally mature is respectful. They don’t live and die by the saying…I’ll give respect when I get respect. They are respectful to everyone regardless of how they are treated. They have an appreciation for the rights and privileges of another person and therefore can accept differences of opinions gracefully.
Emotionally mature people have a built- in set of values that won’t allow them to use their words or actions to be disrespectful to anyone. Emotion-ally mature people enjoy another other people’s successes and are ready to offer praise to others for their accomplishments. Emotionally mature people know how to respond to authority and know how to work with their employers regardless of whether or not they like their boss.
When I was a young teacher, I was very immature emotionally. I had my Masters Degree in administration when I was 25 years old. I thought I had all the answers. I believed every boss I had was an idiot. I wanted to be an administrator so I could be the boss. I applied for one administrative job after another both in and out of the school district where I worked. But no one would hire me. I didn’t realize the reason I wasn’t being hired at the time. However, later I learned why I hadn’t been offered a job. It was because during the interview process, the interviewers who were all administrators themselves and they detected my “know it all” attitude. They were wise enough to know that a “know it all” attitude would not make a good administrator.Since I had tenure as a classroom teacher, I thought I could say and do whatever I wanted. I was rude and discourteous to my supervisor. I actually bullied him. I remember walking into his office one day and seeing him literally panic. To me, it looked like he was about to break down in tears. I felt proud of the power I had to intimidate this man.
My administrator asked me to take an extra class because I had so few kids in my other classes. I said, “I’m not doing it. If you think you can assign it to me, I’ll go to union and register a complaint against you.” He started begging me to do take the class. At this point, my assumption was he had been told by the principal to get this done and I refused.
I was a nightmare as an employee. I acted like I was the boss. My poor attitude reached incredible heights when I would go out for lunch. I found nothing wrong with having a few drinks and then going back to school to teach children in the afternoon. Luckily, I happened to read a biblical verse that hit me like a bolt of lightning. It said that those who are responsible in the little things will be given the bigger things.
I remember sitting quietly after I read these words. Finally, I understood how wrong my attitude had been. I said to myself, it’s time to grow up. It’s time to be a man. I put myself into my boss’s place and I knew I had put him through a living hell by just dealing with me on a daily basis. I went to my boss very respectfully and apologized for my attitude. I told him that I would do anything to help him. Never will I forget the look of pure relief on his face. Also, I became a contributor at faculty meetings, stopped listening and contributing to rumors and gossip in the faculty room. I did anything that I was asked to do with a nice attitude.
Continuing to apply for administrative positions, I was called for interview with a district superintendent. At the conclusion of the interview, the superintendent asked me for a current reference. I did something that I hadn’t been able to do during any of the previous interviews: I gave him the name of my current supervisor..the man who I had apologized to for my disrespect and who had been on the receiving end of my horrible attitude. I gave my supervisor the power to decide if I was going to become and administrator or not. My supervisor was such a good guy. He only remembered that I apologized to him and that I was now showing him the respect he deserved. What a class act he was. He could have used that opportunity to really put the screws to me. But he didn’t. Instead, he gave me a wonderful reference. I got that job! If I hadn’t grown in my emotional maturity during this time period, I never would have become an administrator; A job that I so desperately wanted.
The next observation that I have made about emotionally mature people is that they are respectful to their parents. I have worked with hundreds of students who were discipline problems. The one thing they all had in common is that they were rude and discourteous to their mother and father. The next observation that I have made about emotionally mature people is that they are respectful to their parents. I have worked with hundreds of students who were discipline problems. The one thing they all had in common is that they were rude and discourteous to their mother and father. These students almost went out of their way to bully their parents and were always telling them to shut up. Most times the students treated their parents like they were second class citizens. People who are emotionally mature have respect for the position that a parent has in their life. They respect their parent’s age and their opinions.
My parents were very tough to deal with. Even as I got older, I always viewed them as somewhat meddling. The bottom line: They were my parents and, if nothing else, I owed them respect. I always have concerns when I observe young men or women treating their parents with disrespect. I know somewhere down the road they will regret their actions. Unfortunately by that time, it may be too late.
Next The Principle of Honesty
