Why did our parents stand the test of time 50 years ago and stay married, and manage money so well? Why have the last 3 generations suffered so much financial difficulty, and been involved in one divorce after another? We observed our parents being financially responsible, and we observed our parents remaining married. The problem is we observed, but we never learned. It’s almost like watching a car mechanic fix a car, but never learning how to fix it ourselves. Wisdom, wise decisions, wise behavior, needs to be learned. We needed to know why our parent’s did what they did and we needed to be shown how to do it.
If society is going to develop the wisdom, common sense, or street smarts it has to start with grooming the kids of today and giving them the instruction they need to deal with money and relationships. When you get right down to it there really isn’t much else left. The challenge is great because parental role models are not as wise today as they were in days past. Parents can’t be asking their children what they want to be when they grow up, they have to taught the best career choices and then pointed in that direction. Parents have to teach their children how to handle money at a young age and show them how to save and invest for the future. Parents have to stop thinking that they don’t have a say in terms of who their children choose as a marriage partner. They have to speak up; if they believe that who their son or daughter is dating is not good for them they need to instruct them about the qualities they believe are important in a life partner. Society believes after a certain point that kids know what they’re doing and they’ll be fine. Parents don’t want to interfere. They don’t want to ram something down their kid’s throats. If parents don’t ram something down their kid’s throats some else will. If society is going to become wise again, it will have to spend more time teaching, and less time watching. We can start to teach our kids now when their young, or wring our hands as they get older and wonder where we went wrong.
It has been over ten years since I wrote “The New 3R’s in Education: Respect, Responsibility and Relationships and a lot has changed. Bullying is on the rise, addiction problems are at a staggering high, cyber crime and bullying are in the news every day, and school related issues never seem to go away. I put together The Real 3R’s with one thing in mind; to try and give teachers and maybe even parents some lesson plans that address how to teach respect, encourage responsibility, and to build resiliency in our children. These are not your garden variety lesson plans. They were written to include one plan for each of the 3R’s with the inclusion of suggestions, links, and podcasts that the reader can click on to listen to. If you purchase a hard copy of the book I have included the link where applicable so it can be copied into your browser. I have gone very narrow and very deep and tried to really hit a home run with the activities. I also included character qualities associated with each one of the 3R’s and in the area of resiliency have included some activities and suggestions that are related to these qualities that can be used in a classroom, or in a home. I have also included a bonus course at the end of the book as well
I am an anti bullying specialist and consultant. I have written and designed The Bully Proof Classroom that is offered at The College of New Jersey and La Salle University. Why is it important to tell you this now? As you listen to the podcasts included you will discover that they were produced as part of Anti Bullying 101 a book that I had written six years ago. I offer anti bullying tips on my website www.bullyproofclassroom.com, and I enjoy the process of creating podcasts on a variety of topics. Some of the podcast that you will listen to are announced with a date of the production, some were done on blog talk radio and may have and advertisement in the beginning, but all are very relevant today and at times they are even more relevant. Because of the bullying epidemic steps now have to be taken to address the needs of the victims of bullying. My hope is that these plans will address issue of resiliency and help to strengthen the victims going forward.
I see school related problems as intergenerational, and over the years we have compromised in many areas and have aloud what was once a small problem to grow to very large proportions leaving teachers dealing with student issues that may seem almost impossible to overcome. I sight these issues in an article that I wrote many years ago called “Everybody Knows.” You can access the article by clicking on the title or if you are reading a hard copy of the book I will include the link at the bottom of this page.
A Reflective Journal For Those Who Have Learned How To Stop Being Bullied
How does childhood bullying affect a person’s self confidence, resiliency, and courage? How much fear still remains in the victim in social situations and during even the smallest of confrontations?
There are those that have overcome the fear bullying and that is what this journal is about. It is an opportunity for those who were bullied to document their experience and let others know how they did it. They can tell their story and then through reflection and insight lay out their plan of how they regained their confidence and emotional strength. It is designed to help the journal writer realize how they really are a type of pioneer who has paved the way for others to follow. It is my hope that they share their success with others.
Who should use this journal? Anyone who wants to make a difference in their life and the lives of others. It is great for high school teenagers, young adults, those who are still being bullied that need to make a plan to overcome issues that are standing in their way of a successful life. It can be used as a resource for those in the mental health industry, youth groups, guidance counselors and school social workers.
This Journal can be used by anyone to write about how they overcame the fear of bullying. They should take the time to answer the questions and share their success with others and keep track of the progress that was made. It is great tool for groups or individuals. They can continue to journal and use the Life Notebook section to stay up to date on their ongoing success story
In the last several years of working as a School Counselor and speaking with professionals, parents and students across the United States on the topic of Bullying Prevention, one of the observations that stands out to me the most is that parents, in general, are very eager to talk about bullying while their kids, on the other hand, seem to want to do anything but talk to their parents about this topic. The more parents pry, the more kids withdraw. The more parents push, the harder kids push-back — with excuses, minimizations, abrupt subject changes, stonewalling, silence, and sometimes even complete denial that a peer problem exists.
In writing this book I interchange kid, student, child, and he and she. They all mean the same thing.
I interchange parent, teacher and society. They all merely mean someone who is supposed to be in charge.
You will find one intervention used for multiple behaviors. That’s because they work with different kids in many situations.
I see many behaviors as being learned but don’t doubt that there may be organic problems that cause the behavior.
I will not joust with anyone regarding conditions such as ADHD or ODD. My goal is to help create an understanding between what is a condition and what is a learned behavior.
I don’t doubt that circumstances can give us reasons for certain behaviors; but there are no excuses.
In my final thoughts I include an article “Everybody Knows” please read it. By the way you can find it on youtube and it is now a self study course that you can purchase here http://payhip.com/b/E1cs
I am sure that there are many more behaviors that teachers and parents deal with other than the ones mentioned here.
I am an Anti Bullying Consultant, retired principal, speaker, and writer. I have observed that most behaviors that we deal with are relationship based and disrespect, irresponsibility, and unkindness, apathy, and willful non-compliance pervades our society.
Some things work some of the time but, nothings works all of the time.
This is only volume one. If you have behaviors that you would like me to include in future volumes please email me at jameshburns55@gmail.com.
Please read the articles associated with the behaviors and other supporting information in the appendix.
Introduction
There are people that we absolutely can’t stand. There are those that lie, cheat, and steal. There are whiners, complainers, gossip hounds, and sneaks. There are some who are so arrogant and are such a know it all that a conversation with them is almost painful. There are those that are so angry that we avoid telling them things that they don’t want to hear because we fear their reaction. Then there are those who are absolute criminals who don’t have a conscience who do things that are designed to inflict pain and suffering on other’s. Professionals who work with these people are trained to look beyond certain behaviors and convince themselves that they like the person but don’t like their behavior. Good luck if you are a teacher because kids who exhibit certain behaviors are just plain unlikeable, and in reality they know that they are unlikable and it may even be his/her way of getting the negative attention that he is starving for. The adults who exhibit some of the behaviors mentioned above were once kids who learned how to get away with things like disrespect, irresponsibility, and non-compliance as students and now have taken their deviance to a level that their life and the lives of others are being negatively impacted.
It doesn’t matter if it is organic or learned certain things just can’t be tolerated. Some of the behaviors are so inter-generational and so ingrained that that we can believe that the person is determined and that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and up bringing or genetics is the issue. In reality though we are only influenced by our genetics or upbringing and there has to be a switch in thinking as we change our response to negative influences. By the time a child starts kindergarten certain conclusions have already been drawn and he/she already believes that a temper tantrum gets the job done and I will get what I want when I want it. Until of course they discover something different and have to revert to deviance to get what they believe they are entitled to.
Behaviors like the ones just mentioned can’t be and should not be tolerated by schools or by society in general. Why; because they weaken families, systems, and classrooms. They become like Kryptonite and can begin to eat away at the moral fiber of society. For teachers life can become a nightmare when they have to deal with continual deviance and can’t do what they are paid to do and that’s to teach. Here are ten behaviors that I believe are like Classroom Kryptonite and if not dealt with early will do nothing more than prepare kids for a lifetime of misery who will try and shoehorn themselves into systems that will not accept their perception of life and their negative behavior.
We will assume that there are two reasons for negative behaviors; they are either learned or that they are organic meaning that there is some form of mental illness associated with the behavior that has affected a person’s judgment or has resulted in poor impulse control.
Kids often have what I call a “Choosing Disability.” In other words they have not developed the ability to make the correct choices and have trouble determining right and wrong behavior. There are reasons for poor choices but there are no excuses. Excuses when used can imply that we believe that the behavior should be excused with no consequences being imposed. Reasons explain the circumstance but regardless still hold the person accountable with a consequence. There is a short article that I wrote many years ago that offers a clear explanation. You can find it in the appendix as article one.
Parents who are angry and irate can wreak havoc in a school and can be intimidating. Learn how to defuse power struggles and maintain your dignity, and the dignity of the parent as you handle planned and unplanned parent /teacher conferences.This is a 5 hour self study course. The participants may be eligible for 5 hours of professional development credit.
