by James Burns | Jan 17, 2018 | Behavior Management, Bully Proof Classroom, Schools, Teachers
Let’s face it. No one likes a confrontation. Often, confrontations come out of the blue, and we can find ourselves in a very uncomfortable position where we need to quickly find the right words to defend ourselves. I’ve been a teacher since 1977, and I have experienced my fair share of unpleasant confrontations with students, parents, teachers, and even administrators. But the most difficult confrontations to deal with are those that occur in front of your class. These confrontations are not taking place out in the hallway between just the student and you as the teacher. They occur in plain view of every student in the room, and your students become an audience watching a drama unfold that has the potential to damage your future ability to teach in that classroom.
Here is a typical scenario where a confrontation is occurring in the classroom between you as a teacher and one of your students. You are in the middle of teaching a lesson at the high school level. One of your students walks in 15 minutes late. You say to the student, “Why are you late?” The student answers, “Don’t worry about it. It’s none of your business.” You quickly become angry and say, “It is my business because you are interrupting my class, and I don’t even want you here right now. Go get a pass from the office and then come back.” The student answers, “I’m not going anywhere.” The student then plops down at a desk.
At this point, you are in a catch 22 situation. If you let the student just stay in the room, you, by default, will communicate to that student and every other student in the class that they can get away with coming in late to the class. You will also lose the respect of your students because you put yourself on the battlefield and you couldn’t get off gracefully. On the other hand, if you continue demanding that the student leave, you will lose because the student has already made the decision to stay. You end up looking foolish either way.
The appropriate response in this scenario is the following. The student walks into the class 15 minutes late. The entire class is watching and looking at you to see your reaction. You let the student walk to his/her seat and sit down. You look at the student and then at the rest of the class and say, “I know he/she walked in late. And you’re all probably wondering what I’m going to do about it. The truth is I haven’t decided yet what I’m going to do about it. I’ll talk to him/her later and let him/her know the consequence. Right now, let’s get back to the lesson.” Using this technique will work, but it still is not the ideal way to avoid a confrontation in front of your class because you are really operating out of a crisis mode, and that becomes very tricky.
A much better approach is for you to learn techniques and strategies to prevent confrontations from occurring in the first place. This requires a proactive rather than a reactive approach to classroom management. Early in the school year you will identify the students that have the potential to be confrontational and cause disruptions in the classroom. Once you have identified potentially confrontational students, you must take proactive steps to avoid future misery.
A very effective strategy you can use to avoid confrontations is to develop positive relationships with these students. There are many ways to accomplish this. You must commit to making the time to have positive conversations with these students either before class starts, in the cafeteria, during passing time in the hallway, or even during school events that take place after regular school hours. But positive relationships are not built through one conversation. Here are some steps you can take. First, make a commitment to spend 3 uninterrupted minutes of your time each day for 8 to 10 days in a conversation with that student where you are talking about the student’s interests outside of academics. Show a sincere interest in any extracurricular activities the student is involved in. Ask the student about plans for college or job opportunities. You may want to share you own interests with the student as well to allow the student to view you as a whole person with many facets rather than just as a teacher. During this time, do not correct the student or try to persuade the student to change classroom behavior. This daily conversation must go on for a minimum of 8 to 10 days in a row, so that the student begins to develop a trust in the relationship.
There are other proactive strategies you as the teacher can use everyday to help you avoid confrontations in the classroom. You should stand at the entrance to your room and smile and say hello, good morning, or good afternoon to each and every student as he/she enters the room. You need to become more aware of keeping your facial expressions as well as the tone of your voice neutral. Learn not to roll your eyes, groan or sigh. Students who are confrontational have a sixth sense and can pick up negative energy from their teachers.
Another effective strategy you should use to avoid confrontations is to ignore some of the negative comments students make. You need to understand that when a student makes negative comments, the goal of that student is probably to start a confrontation with you. Therefore, the best approach is for you not to take the bait. When a student says in front of the whole class, “This class sucks,” you could say, “It might, but I still have to teach it to you.” When a student says, “I hate this class, you are the most boring teacher in the world,” you might respond, “You know, you may hate it, but other students may like it, so I have to keep teaching.” When a student yells out, “Whoever told you that you can teach,” you could answer, “That’s an interesting opinion. I’ll talk to you about that after class.”
Probably the most powerful tool a teacher can use to prevent confrontations is to be a fair person in the classroom. Many teachers develop the habit of showing favoritism in their classroom. When particular students are very well-behaved, it can become very difficult for teachers who like these students so much to mete out the same consequences to them that they impose on their most difficult and confrontational students. Students who are confrontational are always looking for a reason to start trouble with a teacher. Once they detect that a fellow student was let off the hook by a teacher for the same behavior that he/she was held accountable for, they will believe they have been treated unfairly and
then their behavior will become even more unmanageable and confrontational. Therefore, teachers must discipline their best behaved students in the same manner that they discipline their most difficult students. When everyone in the classroom observes the teacher being fair and not using favoritism, they will all develop greater trust and respect for the teacher, and that will result in fewer confrontations.
by James Burns | Jan 17, 2018 | Anti Bullying Coaching and Resources, Behavior Management, Bully Proof Classroom, Teachers
I have always enjoyed watching Court TV. I like watching because I love listening to the defense arguments. I enjoy listening to how the attorney for the defense can come up with all kinds of excuses to explain why the person on trial committed the crime. The defendant could even have confessed to the crime, and the defense attorney will still find some circumstance that caused the person to commit the crime, in essence to excuse the crime. I was watching once and there was a 15 year old kid named Brian Pittman on trial for killing his grandparents two years earlier. This young man shot his grandparents in their sleep at close range with a shotgun, put the leash on the dog, walked out of the trailer that they lived in, doused the trailer with gasoline, lit the trailer on fire, and got in a pick-up truck and drove away. The trial went on for weeks, and I watched most of it. The defense attorney was running out of ammunition so he decided to play a card that is becoming a very common excuse for deviant behavior. The defense attorney contended that the reason that this boy committed this heinous crime was because he had an adverse reaction to Zoloft, an anti-depressant drug that he was taking at the time. I sat on the edge of my seat as I waited for the verdict. I was thinking that if a person can be found innocent for murder because of a medication issue, anyone can get away with anything.
I am amazed how family, environment, genetics, and medication can be used as an excuse for behavior in society today. Once these factors are considered the cause of deviant behavior, the person who committed the crime or behaved inappropriately will not be held responsible. It follows then that they should be excused for these behaviors, in other words, not be held accountable. Ultimately, people should be held accountable for their actions, and consequences must be imposed. Consequences are the only thing that will stop negative or deviant behaviors such as talking back, not completing homework, bullying, lying, speeding, sexual harassment on the job, stealing, rape, and murder.
Today, in society, we have reached the point where as soon as parents have trouble managing their child’s behavior or the school makes them aware their child is acting inappropriately in school; parents are all to ready to conclude that these behaviors are caused by ADHD or a teacher with unrealistic expectations or another child. Parents today rarely think of holding themselves responsible, of asking themselves, where am I going wrong here and what do I need to change? Or I need to hold my child responsible, so what consequences will I impose? It’s so much easier to blame the school, a teacher, an administrator, a guidance counselor, another student, or a medical condition. In schools, teachers blame students’ poor behavior or poor academic performance on a child’s difficult circumstances at home, or on the fact that the child’s parents will not put the child on medication. In society, if a person commits a crime that is punishable, the defense attorney will try to convince a jury that the person is mentally ill or comes from a pitiful family background and should not be held responsible.
As a school administrator I have observed deviant behavior, and believe me I have done my best to hold students accountable. I didn’t just look at the student’s isolated behavior at the time, but I considered what would happen if the behavior continued, and how it would affect the student’s chances for success as an adult. I was working as a principal of a school for clinically disturbed students in 1993, and most of the students were depressed, psychotic, and were on medication. When I took over the school there was no system of accountability so I instituted an In-School Suspension program that was used as a means of keeping students in the school for offenses that they would otherwise be suspended for. One morning a student came into school late and proceeded to kick out a window, punch a teacher, tear down hallway decorations and bulletin boards, and was screaming so loud he could be heard in the next county. He was brought into my office, and I said to him, “Nick (name change) I don’t know what I am going to do with you, but for now take a seat in In School Suspension. About five minutes later his school therapist walked into my office. She was furious. She said, “You have Nick in In School Suspension?” I said, “Yes, have you taken a look what he did to my building?” She then said, “Did you know that Nick didn’t have any breakfast this morning?.” I said, “I haven’t had any coffee yet but I’m still talking to you.” I then asked her to leave the office. Did it really matter that Nick didn’t have breakfast? Of course not. What really mattered was that if Nick were not disciplined for his inappropriate behaviors, he would most definitely repeat the behavior again.
I thought about what I was going to do with this student. I knew that I would suspend him for sure, but I also knew that I had to begin to work on developing a relationship with Nick so that he wouldn’t react this way again. About 10:30 in the morning I walked down to In School Suspension and brought Nick a bagel and an orange juice. I told Nick that he should have breakfast before he comes to school, but if he didn’t, he should come into my office, and I would get him something to eat. Nick was also suspended for 10 days, police charges were filed, and he had to write a letter of apology. Had there been a reason for his unreasonable behavior? He had a reason, but having a reason wasn’t an excuse for what he did. If I had bought in to excusing his behavior because he was hungry, Nick would have gotten away with what he did. But I didn’t, I imposed a consequence.
There are plenty of reasons for people’s behaviors; but those reasons are not excuses. What I showed Nick was that there are rules and regulations that have to be followed, but I also showed him some compassion and understanding. I imposed the consequence, but still made sure he had something to eat. I believe that this is the missing piece in dealing with deviant behavior. We are too compassionate and understanding, and we lose sight of the fact that everyone must follow the rules of a family, a school, a job, and society. If we continue to allow everything under the sun to be excused, and we decide that consequences are for the birds, then we can expect our problems with inappropriate behavior in school and deviant behavior in society will continue to get worse.
by James Burns | Jan 17, 2018 | Anti Bullying Coaching and Resources, Anti Bullying Tips
These cards are designed to be downloaded, cut out and laminated. They are extremely useful in helping elementary and middle school students develop the language to deal with bully’s who use their words to hurt or embarrass others. They also provide students with positive self talk statements that help to improve the victims self esteem and confidence. Once these cards are produced they can be given to multiple students and placed in a folder or punched and placed in a binder. They are an excellent tool to help deal with individual fears that occur because of a bully’s harassment and intimidation.
by James Burns | Jan 4, 2018 | Classroom Activity, Kids and Stress, Schools, Teachers
I am introducing Brain Bursts. These 30-60 second activities help increase circulation, get the students moving, increase body awareness, and improve focus. They can be done with the students standing at their desks and require very little space. These activities mimic what young children love to do and that’s run. If you look at a child they run from place to place, not walk. They naturally engage their brain by sprinting short periods of time. Games like basketball, tag, baseball, and football are all sports that have the participants sprinting, rarely do you see a 7 or 8 year old doing long distance running.
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