by James Burns | Nov 11, 2019 | Burns' Bench
When I was a kid in the summer I would get up early and leave my house with a bat, some baseballs, and a glove in my bike basket. I would ride to the town park to find no one. I would then throw the ball in the air, or hit balls out of my hand, run the bases and then collect the balls. Finally someone would show up and we would have a catch, then another kid would show up and we took batting practice. And then a little while later a few more kids showed up and we would choose up sides for a game. We played baseball the entire day. Did we all get along; of course not? Were there fights and arguments, you bet. And, were there bullies present, there were. But when fights, and arguments, and bullying took place, no one left because we all wanted to play. We solved our own problems, and realized that there was a pecking order in terms of abilities and attitudes and we accepted it for what it was and were even friends with the kids that we didn’t agree with or maybe even like. In our own way we understood conflict and we left just enough space between us to disagree. We became resilient and realized that we were all there for one reason, to have fun. There were no play dates, and there wasn’t any adult supervision, we did it all on our own.
During that time in my life I did a lot of things on my own. My home was rather inconsistent; my parents owned a bar which we lived over and I think at times they may have forgotten that they had kids. I had two sisters who were much older than I was and they had their own life. So as a young boy I was always trying to find ways to play and entertain myself. That to me is a good thing. Kids today have trouble when their friends are away, or they have to be alone for any length of time. Their entertainment comes from their phone or some other form of technology which can produce a rather sedentary life style. When I was a kid we were almost forced outside and we stayed there for long periods of time. Baseball was something that I took to and I just enjoyed every aspect of the game. Watching it, playing it, going to games, it was all good, NO IT WAS GREAT.
When I was playing the game of baseball I didn’t think about what I was learning in the process, I was just there to have fun. But, in reality every step I took during the game brought me to another life lesson that I could learn from. Baseball is just one of those sports that just seemed to scream at me when I was playing, saying; “remember this one you’ll need it later.” There are so many things to learn but, baseball had its way with me and through osmosis I moved through life with the memories and the lessons that I learned from what seemed like a well healed teacher. Here are just a few.
The Third Time May Not Be A Charm
Very few things in life allow for continued mistakes. Baseball is one of them. You come to bat, and you can swing and miss twice, but swing and miss the third time and it is strike three you are out. Now unless you are playing tee ball and the coaches are being benevolent you are going to take a seat. I mean if you want to continue to make the same mistake over and over again you will spend more time sitting and watching than playing. The game of life is very similar; you can only swing and miss three times before people start to wonder if you are incapable or do you have a character flaw. Relationships, on the job, raising kids are just a few venues for our faux pas. So the third time is not a charm; it could get you fired, divorced, or have your kids hating you.Lesson Learned: Mistakes are okay, but keep them to a minimum like two.
Life Is Not Win-Win
Everyone has heard the line “Think Win-Win” right? So let me ask you, how many World Series champs do we have? Or how many Super Bowl champions are there? Who won that last Presidential election? There is no win-win, somebody has to win and somebody has to lose. Baseball taught me this both as an individual and as a team member. I strike out, the pitcher beat me, a great play is made in the field and I get robbed of a hit, and I got beat again. On a team level, one team wins and one team loses. To insist on this mentality with kids involved with team sports especially at a young level seems to be unfair. Somewhere in their young life someone has to introduce the word lost or failed into their vocabulary and their life. This is the only way kids will learn how to handle disappointments.. It’s not so much about the loss; it’s about being a graceful loser. Lesson Learned: Always tip my hat to those that did a great job even if they were the competition.
Consistency Is The Hallmark Of Greatness
I was a working stiff for 30 years. I usually got up at about 5 a.m. When I retired I still got up at 5 a.m. I have my preferences, I don’t judge, and I set boundaries. You usually can tell time by me because if I tell you I’ll be there by 3 o’clock I’m on time. Believe it or not I learned this quality by playing the game of baseball. The only way you can be successful in the game of baseball is by being consistent in the way you throw, hit, run, and swing the bat. Doing the same thing over and over again until my mental memory is so fine tuned that it is the only way it knows how to do certain things. Developing consistency and remaining consistent can do wonders for the way you think and for your emotional state of mind as well. Even if you waver a bit from time to time you always have the soft pillow to fall back on that reminds you who you are and what you represent. When you reach down into the chambers of your own soul when stress and problems hit you don’t come up empty you have some answers to the questions that life throws at you. What I learned is that standing your ground when everyone seems to have a better solution to a problem strengthened my heart and soul and helped me to develop confidence in my decision making skills. Lesson Learned: Get up early, no matter what you are doing.
Learn To Make In Game Adjustments
Let’s face it a professional baseball player can hit a fastball 500 feet if he squares it up and his timing is good. But suppose he is ready for that 95 mile an hour fastball and he gets the curve or the change up? Can he make the adjustment? The difference between a major league baseball player and a minor league player is really infinitesimal. The biggest difference is that major league players have the ability to make in game adjustments. When they’re at the plate and are facing the pitcher for the third time and have already been struck out twice, they know how the pitcher is trying to get them out and can adjust on the fly and be ready for the curve. In reality life throws us curve balls all the time. We’re all good at handling the events associated with daily living, but how do we handle stress, illness, unruly kids, emotional battles, and relationship issues? Sure we have to remain consistent as mentioned before but we have to adjust when it’s called for by reading the tea leaves or by understanding how you were pitched the two prior at bats. Lesson learned: We all should always hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. So, let’s hope for the heater, but be ready for the curve.
Practice Makes Perfect and Permanent
Baseball players may take two hundred swings during batting practice or field one hundred ground balls during infield drills. This is all done to not only to insure perfection during the game but to also make sure that they maintain the muscle memory associated with their swing or their position in the field. These players have to be ready every day to do the same thing over and over again. They realize that the season is a marathon not a sprint and they don’t want their skills to erode because of exhaustion. The game of life is very similar it’s a marathon and continued practice and experience helps us to improve day after day and year after year. In baseball the young seeks out the old for advice and direction about how to play the game. In life we look to the more experienced older and wiser folks who will help us navigate through a difficult situation. When it’s all said and done we then become the one with the hoary head that is there for those that are trying to perfect the game of life and who are working to permanently cement the right thoughts, words, actions, and attitudes into their being. Lesson learned: Life requires practice.
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by James Burns | Oct 20, 2019 | Burns' Bench
As a long term educator and administrator I discovered many years ago the affects of bullying on children but more importantly how bullying can affect a person over the long term. My schooling which includes a MA in Special Education never really hit the mark when it came down to student behavior management and the damage that harassment, intimidation, and bullying can cause in a person’s life. It wasn’t until 1998 that I really took a hard look at this epidemic that plagues our school. Bullying truly is behavior that no one forgets.
Bullying has both short and long term consequences. As a child it reduces self esteem, increases the risk of suicide and depression, causes academic and behavioral problems and contributes to poor attendance. It is estimated by the National Educational Association that more than 180,000 students miss school every day in the United States because of being bullied. As a teacher empowerment comes from knowledge and awareness of all of the factors associated with bullying. We need to develop the ability to hold the bully accountable but, more importantly we need to help strengthen the victim and help them build resiliency that leads to lifelong success.
Some important tips that teachers can use to help combat bullying in their classroom are:
- Understand that some things are right or wrong, black or white, no gray area, bullying is one of them
- Teach students to comply with the rules and enforce them with consequences
- Learn to stop asking and start telling. Too many questions can lead to confusion and the bending of the rules
- Educate students on the long term consequences of bullying and the impact that it can have on the bully and the victim
- Teach respect and encourage responsibility at all times
- Teach students How To Cooperate Even Though They Might Disagree
- Encourage students to learn how to disagree but with the right attitude.
- Teach character education in your school and in your classroom
- Keep things simple and follow the golden rule.
by James Burns | Oct 18, 2019 | Burns' Bench
Bullying is a problem of national concern. The United States Secret Service & Department of Education Reported for the Safe School Initiative in 2002 report on Violent Acts in schools that since 1974 it was found that 66% of the shooters in all school situations that were reviewed had been previous victims, eventually committing bullying acts themselves.
Bullying is an inter-generational, learned behavior. It is perpetuated through poor role modeling by parents and other adults who were themselves victimized and never learned to manage their anger. Young, inexperienced children may well observe that aggressive behavior produces results, and however negative decide to repeat this process well into adulthood.
Victims can also become incapacitated by fear. They may have been bullied at a very young age and, through their own private logic, have concluded that avoidance through silence is the answer. At times they may think about revenge, but not act on it. They may not show their anger but, because of an inability to express their feelings, they stay angry.
By the time a victim becomes an adult; anger can grow into bitterness and have lost the ability for productive confrontation or conflict. Relationships are tough, but they can disguise their inadequacies. They may marry and raise families. The bitterness is then displaced on spouses and children. The model that fear and intimidation produces favorable results is perpetuated. It’s that attitude and behavior that a child observes and takes into school and society.
Millions have been raised in this type of environment. Problems have arisen related to anger and bitterness due to unresolved youth conflicts. Serial killers have been left unchecked as children, never having been taught the skills necessary to overcome their own dysfunction.
Each of us is the sum total of our own personal experiences. Some need to experience a situation only once to be incapacitated enough to option fearfulness and avoidance.
We inspire lasting change only by stopping the perpetuation of the problem of victim-turned-bully. Our point of reference should be to shift to the empowerment of the victims, to raise their strength in self awareness, self acceptance, and self esteem.
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by James Burns | Oct 16, 2019 | Burns' Bench
How do you feel when you’ve accomplished something? Better yet how do you feel when you’ve accomplished something and you’ve worked long and hard at it? Whether it’s losing weight, finishing college at 40 years old, quitting smoking. or solving a problem that you’ve encountered for the first time it feels great when you look back and can say it didn’t beat me, I got it done. The relief of knowing that the task is complete lifts a tremendous amount of emotional weight off your shoulders. It’s not just how you feel about getting the job done, and putting a check mark next to the task on the to – do list that makes you feel good, It’s how you feel about yourself and what it does to your own level of self esteem that really makes the difference. You begin to feel more confident in other areas of life and are not so resistant to try something new again for fear of failure. Kids are no different, once they experience success they are more open to trying new things and are not as resistant to instruction because in their mind they know that they have had past successes. Those past successes though have to be true successes, kids can’t be given a false sense of their abilities in grade one by being given good grades for their work because by the time they reach the second or third grade they will discover just how much they don’t know leading to low self esteem and ultimately fear of failure.
The only way to avoid this potential problem from occurring is to consistently hold students accountable for their work, have high academic expectations, and to work students until you are convinced that they have mastered the material that was taught them. Once students are convinced that you will not accept shoddy work and they will have to do work over and over again until their grade is acceptable they will work to get the assignment right the first time. After the student puts the work in and achieves success, and really know the concept being taught he/she to will look back and say to him or herself that this assignment didn’t beat me. Giving poor grades doesn’t lower student self esteem. Low self esteem comes when the student doesn’t understand the concepts and is not given the opportunity to improve. Tougher grading practices hold students accountable for an acceptable grade, and provides additional instruction to ensure that the student has the opportunity to master the material. Students need opportunities to succeed but, they also need opportunities to fail. It is those failures that should be the red flag for the teacher as to what the student doesn’t know. Once those failures are overcome, a sense of success will encourage the student to be more diligent in his efforts and improve how he or she feels about themselves academically.
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by James Burns | Oct 14, 2019 | Burns' Bench
When I was in high school I was given a assignment to do in a 9th grade social studies class. I was given two weeks to complete it but, like most kids I procrastinated until the night before. I turned in the assignment the next day. Many of the projects that the other students turned in were handed in stapled together, some in binders, some with report covers over them. Mine was turned in with a paper clip holding together two sheets of handwritten paper. About a week later the teacher turned the projects back. He never gave me mine back but, ask to see me after class. When I met with him he looked at me and said, “What is this.” I responded by saying, “That’s my project.” He then asked, “Is this the best you can do?” I said, “No, I guess I could have done better.” He then asked me, “Are you capable of doing better?” I said. “Yes.” He then proceeded to tell me that he wanted to meet with me after school to help me put a project together that would improve my grade because what I turned into him was most definitely and F. He took the time to help me do research, write better, and showed me how to put a report together. He had academic expectations that I was never exposed to in the 8th grade but made sure that he gave me all the help I needed from him to meet those expectations. I ended up with a B+ on the project. Thanks to him.
What actually happened here? Because of this teacher’s academic standards and because of his demand for high quality work I developed such respect for him and had an unquenchable desire to want to please him. I not only worked on my assignments with much more rigor, I paid attention in class, and studied in a much more productive way for my tests and quizzes. His demand for academic excellence made me more respectful for him and his subject area and more responsible for my own academic success.
When teachers have low expectation for the academic progress of their students they probably have low expectations for their behavior as well. They begin to buy into the excuses that students, parents, and yes even sometimes administration uses to justify poor academic performance. Excuses like, poor home environment, ADHD, and of course blaming the previous year teacher all become part of student academic failure. Demanding academic excellence is something all teachers can do. As stated in the previous chapter holding students accountable by asking for the work to be done and re-done forces the child rise to the occasion and to begin to want to please a demanding teacher. That’s a good thing. It develops respect for the subject area, others members of the class, and most of all respect for themselves. It improves behavior as well. By making students focus on academics there is not time to act up in class. They might miss something and have to re-do an assignment because of yes, a careless errors, errors that would not have been made if they took their work seriously, and respected the teacher and the material that was being taught. Demanding high quality work pays off. The students will thank you in the future. I learned that 40 years ago.
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