I like you, but I don’t like your behavior. This little gem came out of the self-esteem movement of the 60’s and 70’s. Certain phrases or philosophies that may have worked 50 years ago may suffer from an over-use injury or are just antiquated. Students who are rude, discourteous, and disrespectful can be difficult to like. Ask yourself this: if you were treated by an adult in the same negative manner as a student treated you, how hard would it be to stand by this statement? Pretty tough. Our students do become adults, who may not be liked because of their behavior. I am not saying that you should tell kids that you don’t like them. What I am saying is that they know all too well that we don’t. Our body language, attitudes, and words are all indicators of how we feel about certain students. Some kids are very tough to get close to, and in reality, to like. Don’t let your thoughts dictate your actions; fake it, bite the bullet, and keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Do whatever it takes to build a relationship with the student who is unlikable and a potential disruptive force in your classroom. Once we come clean with our real emotions, our influence will be greater and we will then begin to facilitate lasting change.
Bench Notice
Just a side note here. Standing to closely to this statement could produce greater acceptance of deviant behavior and a failure to enforce appropriate consequence. Sometimes we use this statement because we are afraid of a kid or the parent who berates the school and the teacher because they’re afraid of their own kid as well. Try to understand your motives when you say” I like you, but I don’t like your behavior.”
The brain is a wonderful organ and it can be programmed by us and by others. The words that people say to us and the things that are done to us can produce a private logic that can either be believed or stricken from our conscious mind as being just or untrue. Your Reticular Activating System (RAS) is the automatic mechanism inside your brain that brings relevant information to your attention. The RAS is a filter between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind.
Let’s say you are sitting in your classroom and in the distance, you hear sirens. Your subconscious mind may say, “Police, fire, first aid.” You are busy concentrating on something else, so your conscious mind focuses on the task at hand. But, then you notice that the sirens were from a fire truck and the truck pulls in front of the school. Your RAS immediately kicks in and those sirens that you heard earlier are now relevant to you. If you start to smell smoke well, now it really has your attention.
A student may come to school with their conscious mind already programmed. They may have let so many negative thoughts in that they may have become part of their belief system. The student may have been bullied at home or punished for small mistakes. Their siblings may have picked on them to the point that his RAS now allows only negative thoughts in. But worse yet, they now believe them. Negative words and treatment are the things that get their attention and they begin to form their self-image. Their thoughts become actions.
Bench Notice
The order of the day is to create a climate in your classroom that is kind, caring, respectful, and responsible. Think about the best teacher you’ve ever had, and how they got your attention. Keep a smile on your face and do your best to provide an equitable distribution of your passion and understanding to all of your students. Maybe we have to realize what gets our attention and how good it feels when a smile comes our way.
Don’t fret if you lost you way and didn’t pay attention to the significant others in your life. The past is the past, right? Wrong. The past can and will dictate the future if we allow ourselves to be measured based on our failures rather than our successes. Let’s face it. We all have failed or fallen short from time to time. Just because we have failed does not mean we are a failure. It just means we did the best with what we knew at the time. Parents can do this once they take a look at the lifestyle or the behavior of their grown children. If you are a parent, take heart: you did your best with the information you had in the process of raising your children. If you are a teacher and have had your share of problems and headaches and feel like the funds are low and the debts are high, don’t look back. Don’t drive while looking in the rear view mirror; you will hit a future tree. Gandhi once said, “Be the change we wish to see in the world.” What changes do you want? A kinder and gentler place for kids to come, have fun, and learn? Realize that you are the one that has the capacity to facilitate the change. Have you goofed up in the past? So what? The past is the past, so please don’t ever let it remind you of what you are now. Let the past remind you of what the future holds when you finally let go.
When kids are unhappy about something that happens in school and they believe that the teacher was the culprit, they will usually go home and complain to mom or dad. If the parents are weak, and are always in a position of being intimidated by their own children, they will usually come into school and argue for their child, defending his/her actions. Why, because they can win the argument with the school, but they will always loss the argument with their own kid at home.
I experienced this once as an administrator; a 17 year old student was bullying his mother in my office. My response to the kid was, “don’t bully your mother in my office.” When this was said the mom felt she now had an ally, and became more assertive with her son. Husbands and wives may disrespect each other in the home in front of the children. Sometimes children will become one of the parents’ confidants and have to listen to complaints about one parent or the other. Anytime you have an opportunity to stick up for or defend a parent when they are being bullied by their own children in your presence do it, you will make a new friend and your discipline of that child will be easier going forward.
Bench Notice
Parents without boundaries usually allow to much freedom and often don’t hold their kids responsible at a young age. This permissiveness can create an environment where kids believe they can say and do what they want, when they want. This starts to become a problem when children become ten years of age and can become progressively worse moving forward.
These lessons are designed to provide the students with a view of some of the quotes by Dr. Martin Luther King and also the character qualities that he displayed as a civil rights leader in the 1960’s. The lesson includes 10 quotes with one bonus quote at the end. Each quote has a character quality associated with it and 5-6 questions that you as the teacher can ask your students that will provoke discussion and give the students a chance to think of their responsibility as it relates to the character qualities. There is a short quiz at the end that the class can take as a whole, with one bonus question. Each question is worth 10 points. The bonus question can be awarded as many points as the teacher would like in order to increase the student’s score.
This game gives students the opportunity to research questions about past Super Bowls. The students are asked questions, have time to look up answers, and score points in a jeopardy type format. The game is played in a group which helps build community and improve classroom climate and camaraderie. This is a great game to play prior to the Super Bowl for some fun and a little excitement. (Grades 5-12)
Parents who are angry and irate can wreak havoc in a school and can be intimidating. Learn how to defuse power struggles and maintain your dignity, and the dignity of the parent as you handle planned and unplanned parent /teacher conferences.This is a 5 hour self study course. The participants may be eligible for 5 hours of professional development credit.
