by James Burns | Mar 22, 2012 | Bully Proof Classroom, cyberbullying, Parents, Teachers, Technology
On March 20 Jim and I had a very special guest- Dr. Michael Nuccitelli, a forensic/clinical consultant who has done his homework when it comes to internet predators and cyber bullying. We discussed the social media sites available today (ie. Facebook, Twitter, etc.). Dr. Nuccitelli educated us on the following statistics:
Facebook- 5 million out of the 7.5 million people under 18 are 10 years old and under.
At any given time, there are 750,000 online predators.
Only 10% of children being cyber bullied tell their parents, most likely for fear of losing their internet privileges. What’s the solution, parents? Dr. Nuccitelli says to tell your kids that they will never lose their internet privileges, as long as they are open and honest with you.
But what if your child isn’t being completely honest with you? Here are some signs to look out for:
1. Your child’s internet history is cleared.
2. He/She turns off the computer when you enter the room.
3. Your child is upset when he/she gets off the computer.
Jim says the signs to look for are:
- Rapid Behavioral Shift (RBS)
- Increased Isolation
- Familial Withdrawal
Parents : this website is a great tool to use so that you can be further educated on proper internet etiquette (digital citizenship): http://www.auburn.edu/academic/education/citizenship/
Please check out my music and current projects at www.devynrush.com andwww.youtube.com/devynrushmusic. Follow me on Twitter: @devynrush, and email me at devynrush@heyugly.org.
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by James Burns | Mar 8, 2012 | Bully Proof Classroom, cyberbullying, Parents, Teachers
This is an absolutely great article.
The mission of BULLY PROOF ASSURANCE is to extinguish bullying behavior by building a national community committed to shining a bright light on a national and global crisis. We hope to provide students who become victims with a secure network of support which begins with the opportunity to report incidents of bullying in anonymity. Too often bullying is not reported or ignored creating circumstances which lead to untold human suffering and significant cost to every taxpayer.
Bullying behavior has accelerated to epidemic proportions. Upwards to twenty five percent of U.S. students are bullied annually and twenty percent of high school students say they have seriously considered committing suicide within the last twelve months. Thirty percent of students who reported they had been bullied said they had at times brought a weapon to school. Nationally, more than 160,000 students stay home from school daily (NEA) due to bullying. Two thirds of those students involved in school shootings were bullied, and two thirds of victims become bullies. A bully is five times more likely to have a serious criminal record and six times more likely to be incarcerated by the age of 24. All of this translates into a serious financial burden on an already overburdened judicial system.
The root cause of bullying and its financial burden is found in the character of American parents. Bullies are not born, but are created over time when certain behavioral dynamics allow the behavior to evolve. BULLYPROOF ASSURANCE desires to tap into the best of us and, like Mothers Against Drunk Drivers, work relentlessly to increase awareness of the problem, create an honest and genuine national conversation which in time will result in better parenting. We recognize the potential resistance associated with this project. Politics and political correctness will always be used to avoid responsibility. But schools which demonstrate high levels of success by many measures, including standardized test scores, and operate in the worst socio economic conditions show us that children can thrive if parents and the school are on the same page. Too many American schools and parents are not on the same page and there has been much bad parenting. Our society needs to take ownership of this issue. If we improve our parenting, we can reduce bullying, increase respect and responsibility, and keep some money in our pockets. Join us.
by James Burns | Mar 3, 2012 | Bully Proof Classroom, cyberbullying, Parents, Teachers, Uncategorized
I really enjoy Napoleon Hill. Trust is something is something we need to teach to our kids if they are going to have successful relationships in their lives. Kids who have been targets of bullying don’t trust anyone, and believe that no one cares about them. Prove them wrong, and help them establish trusting and lasting relationships with others. It will make a difference in their lives going forward. This is Napoleon Hill’s thought for today. It just fits.
Most of us have two basic questions about others when we enter into a relationship. They are: Can I trust you? And, do you really care about me? Depending upon our previous success in partnerships with others — personal or business — the answers may be slow in coming. Confidence in another is often developed gradually as those involved in the relationship commit themselves to each other’s success and happiness. Although trust and confidence are the basic underpinnings of all successful relationships, they are fragile. A relationship that has endured for months or even years can be irreparably damaged by a few unkind words or a single thoughtless act. Don’t allow yourself to act in haste or to lose control of your emotions in important relationships.
http://www.naphill.org/posts/tftd/thought-for-the-day-saturday-march-3-2012/?utm_source=NHF+Email+Subscribers&utm_campaign=19747f8682-TFTD_EMAIL&utm_medium=email
by James Burns | Mar 2, 2012 | Bully Proof Classroom, cyberbullying, Parents, Teachers
I don’t think that there is a person around who doesn’t own a computer. PC’s are used for everything. They are used to pay bills, write letters, and look stuff up on the internet. Handwriting has even been abandoned in schools because so much work is done on the computer. It is amazing how individuals have come to rely on this tool and how it has affected society. The one thing about the computer though is that it requires human programming in order for it to save files and store information. Often times we lose track of a file on the computer because we forgot the name it was given when it was saved. All computers have a certain amount of what is called Random Access Memory (RAM). This is the way a computer saves information and how it can be recalled when it is searched for. If the computer isn’t programmed with this information when a file is searched for it will likely give the response; “No File Found” In other words the information was never put into the memory for retrieval. In looking at this one can’t help but compare a computer to the human brain and how the brain needs to be programmed in order to retrieve information.
The brain receives and retrieves information from its environment and from human senses. If the information makes sense and has meaning it is likely that it will be stored in to long term memory. If the brain can’t make sense of it won’t be stored and it will not be able to be retrieved at a later time by a persons human RAM. Let’s look at this as it relates to a young child who is in need of correction. He is told what to do and he doesn’t do it. He is warned and told of the consequence, and then he is warned two or three more times until he is ultimately corrected. The child’s brain draws the conclusion that correction will come when mom, dad, or his teacher gives him three or four chances and usually when their voice tone changes. That is what gets stored in the child’s long term memory and when the child searches for his response when corrected his RAM will tell him that. The saying “The Boy is Father to the Man” could not be more true. A child who can do and say what he wants when he wants to at an early age, say up until about 4 or 5, will have no RAM and deal with life very reactively. He will suffer from something called Situational Reactive Disorder. Situations where no RAM has been programmed into the person’s brain lead to this condition. There are singular one time events in a persons life that they have not had time to rehearse a response for or never been give the opportunity to practice for and the person doesn’t know what to do so they react. Things like being able to control anger, manage relationships, handle fears, respect authority, and being responsible are all things that require RAM or a situational reaction will occur.
Children need to be programmed just like a computer. Not robotically but rather in a way that installs the correct information into their heads that lead to appropriate responses as they grow older. Some people may say that we are not dealing with computers here. That’s not all true we are dealing with the brain a very sophisticated human computer that can be helped by loving people who care deeply about the perception that this little person has of the world. It is absolutely critical to give children the skills to deal with life independently and the only way this can happen is if they have enough RAM to do so.
by James Burns | Feb 20, 2012 | Bully Proof Classroom, cyberbullying, Parents, Teachers
The Bully Proof Classroom is seeking writers for this website. If you are a teacher, parent, or even a student and would like to share some ideas or even your own bullying story we would love to hear from you. Your article will get front page views when it is posted and you can also provides links to help promote your own site. If you are a good writer and believe you have something that is relevant to the topic of bullying please send us an email at proactive7@verizon.net. The only thing that we ask is that you show your loyalty by subscribing to The Anti Bullying Tip of the Day.
by James Burns | Feb 8, 2012 | Bully Proof Classroom, Parents, Teachers
Rudolf Dreikurs (February 8, 1897, Vienna – May 25, 1972, Chicago) was an American psychiatrist and educator who developed psychologist Alfred Adler‘s system of individual psychology into a pragmatic method for understanding the purposes of reprehensible behavior in children and for stimulating cooperative behavior without punishment or reward. He suggested that human misbehavior is the result of feeling a lack of belonging to one’s social group. When this happens the child acts from one of four “mistaken goals”: power, attention, revenge or avoidance (inadequacy). Dreikurs’ reasoned that these students will “act out” based on the four, principled, “mistaken goals.” The first reason for their misbehavior is that they desire attention. If they do not receive the attention they crave through their actions (good or bad, e.g. doing well on a paper or throwing a tantrum), they move onto seeking power (e.g. they may refuse to complete a paper). If their power struggle is thwarted, they then try to get revenge. If even revenge does not get the desired response, they begin to feel inadequate.
I teach a graduate course in education entitled Cooperative Discipline, based upon the book, Cooperative Discipline by Dr. Linda Albert. This course is based in part on the Dreikurs model of the four immediate goals of attention, power revenge, and avoidance of failure. When I first began to teach the course I believed that these four motivations worked in isolation and were almost unrelated to each other. What I recently came to discover was that if many students don’t receive attention, either good or bad, for their behavior, then they will raise the stakes and move on to the next level, which is engaging their teacher in a power struggle. If the students lose that struggle, then they may move on to the next level, seeking revenge, usually on the teacher. But when positive attention is given to students they are then less likely to seek attention in a negative manner. Students who receive positive attention on a consistent basis will naturally become more respectful, more responsible, and will find it far easier to connect and form good relationships with teachers, their classmates, and others of significance in their lives. Conversely, when students don’t receive positive attention they can become frustrated and angry and ultimately they become filled with despair. They begin to feel that they can’t please their parents or teachers no matter what they do so they figure what’s the use in trying at all.
All roads lead to attention. When positive attention is given to a student respect and responsibility become far easier to communicate. Students begin to feel recognized for their achievements and don’t seek attention in negative ways..
As a young parent I became aware of the importance of positive attention with my oldest daughter Sarah who is now almost 34 years old. When she was about 5 years old I was in the middle of my career as a school administrator. I worked long hours and usually came home exhausted from my day. I would get home and quickly change clothes and read the paper or just try and unwind. I didn’t know it at the time but Sarah was waiting very patiently for me to get home. She wanted to play and she wanted to play with dad. She would come up to me and say, “Daddy, will you play with me?’ I would say to her, “Honey, Daddy is very tired, let me relax for about 30 minutes and then I will be ready to play with you, okay.” She would come back to me after the 30 minutes and she would be ready to play. I played with her, but I really didn’t have my heart in it. I just didn’t feel like playing tag or play dolls with a 5 year old girl. I never once came home and said to her, “What do you want to do?” And I never had an enthusiastic attitude when I played with her. Sarah’s behavior began to change; she became more disrespectful and less compliant. I found myself constantly correcting her and I was becoming more and more frustrated with her negative behavior and attitude and when she misbehaved I always was sure to correct her because I wanted to be a consistent dad.
Let’s look at this from a child’s perspective. Anytime my father is spending time with me and talking to me, it’s because I am doing something bad – that’s how I get my dad’s attention. So it is to my advantage to act up because that’s the only time that my father spends time with me and gives me the attention that I want.
In the end, it doesn’t really matter to children what type of attention they get. If they can’t get positive attention, then they will settle for negative attention. It wasn’t until I started giving my daughter the required attention and involved myself with her by playing board games, going to the park, tickling her, and taking a real interest in her emotional needs did she become more respectful, responsible, and compliant.
All roads do lead to attention and if the correct attention is given to a child then respect and responsibility will be far easier to teach.
