White Noise

by | Aug 3, 2012 | Bully Proof Classroom, Parents, Teachers

Everyone needs a certain amount of praise and affirmation. Children are no different, if anything they need to know that the positive behaviors that they exhibit are recognized and appreciated frequently by teachers and by parents. Praise when offered appropriately to children will no doubt encourage them to continue with the positive behaviors of respect and responsibility. Praise needs to be offered to children when they display specific behaviors that have been identified by a teacher or parent. Often children are praised for anything and everything. This can produce in the child a skewed view of who they are and ultimately they can have a difficult time accepting correction. The praise becomes so frequent that the child can begin to believe that they can’t do anything wrong. A sense of entitlement builds in the mind of the child that is often accompanied by arrogance with the child developing a disrespectful attitude toward those adults who offer any correction for behavior that is unacceptable. Praise needs to be offered to children, but needs to be balanced by rules and constructive suggestions. Praise, if offered too frequently can become what I call White Noise.

During the summer of 1971, when I was sixteen, my first cousin, Jim, and I spent a lot of time together at each other’s houses. We played baseball and hung out with other kids. I enjoyed the visits, and so did he. He was an only child, and I was the only boy in my family. We had a lot in common, and during this time we were good friends. My cousin wasn’t as good at baseball as I was, but he was what I call a rooter. He enjoyed watching baseball and enjoyed watching me play. During one of his visits, I had a scheduled game. I had to be at the game early, so my dad and cousin came later. During the game, I had three hits, including the game-winning hit. I was the catcher and threw out three runners who were trying to steal second base. I had a great game. When the game was over, my dad drove my cousin back to his house, and I hung out with my friends.

I went home, went to bed, got up early the next morning, and left the house. My parents owned a bar in the town where I lived, and we lived right above the place. The normal routine was that my mother would open the bar in the morning. My father would sleep a little later then relieve her around 11:00 a.m. He would work until about 4:00 p.m. then go upstairs and take a nap. I can always remember him sitting in his recliner napping in the afternoon. He needed that nap; he was in his late fifties and had to be ready to work the night shift.

That afternoon, I returned home around 5:00 to find my father in his recliner, but he was awake. He jumped up out of his chair like he had a spring under him. He ran over to me, hugged me hard, and said, “I was so proud of you last night.” I thanked him, and I felt him squeeze me like he never had before. I felt the warmth of his body, but even more, I felt the warmth of his words.

Well, I’m fifty-seven years old now, and I still remember that hug and those words. Sometimes parents can say so much to their kids about their performance that it can almost seem like that white noise that I mentioned above. Most kids know their parents are going to speak well of them because they are well, their parents.  But, the right words of praise and encouragement at the right time can actually change a child’s life. In my case, my dad didn’t offer a lot of praise and was very critical of me at times. This experience was life-changing for me. I quickly forgot all the times my father had said critical things to me. As a father myself, I know I have the power to determine how my own children view themselves. A father’s words do truly make a difference.