by James Burns | Mar 2, 2012 | Bully Proof Classroom, cyberbullying, Parents, Teachers
I don’t think that there is a person around who doesn’t own a computer. PC’s are used for everything. They are used to pay bills, write letters, and look stuff up on the internet. Handwriting has even been abandoned in schools because so much work is done on the computer. It is amazing how individuals have come to rely on this tool and how it has affected society. The one thing about the computer though is that it requires human programming in order for it to save files and store information. Often times we lose track of a file on the computer because we forgot the name it was given when it was saved. All computers have a certain amount of what is called Random Access Memory (RAM). This is the way a computer saves information and how it can be recalled when it is searched for. If the computer isn’t programmed with this information when a file is searched for it will likely give the response; “No File Found” In other words the information was never put into the memory for retrieval. In looking at this one can’t help but compare a computer to the human brain and how the brain needs to be programmed in order to retrieve information.
The brain receives and retrieves information from its environment and from human senses. If the information makes sense and has meaning it is likely that it will be stored in to long term memory. If the brain can’t make sense of it won’t be stored and it will not be able to be retrieved at a later time by a persons human RAM. Let’s look at this as it relates to a young child who is in need of correction. He is told what to do and he doesn’t do it. He is warned and told of the consequence, and then he is warned two or three more times until he is ultimately corrected. The child’s brain draws the conclusion that correction will come when mom, dad, or his teacher gives him three or four chances and usually when their voice tone changes. That is what gets stored in the child’s long term memory and when the child searches for his response when corrected his RAM will tell him that. The saying “The Boy is Father to the Man” could not be more true. A child who can do and say what he wants when he wants to at an early age, say up until about 4 or 5, will have no RAM and deal with life very reactively. He will suffer from something called Situational Reactive Disorder. Situations where no RAM has been programmed into the person’s brain lead to this condition. There are singular one time events in a persons life that they have not had time to rehearse a response for or never been give the opportunity to practice for and the person doesn’t know what to do so they react. Things like being able to control anger, manage relationships, handle fears, respect authority, and being responsible are all things that require RAM or a situational reaction will occur.
Children need to be programmed just like a computer. Not robotically but rather in a way that installs the correct information into their heads that lead to appropriate responses as they grow older. Some people may say that we are not dealing with computers here. That’s not all true we are dealing with the brain a very sophisticated human computer that can be helped by loving people who care deeply about the perception that this little person has of the world. It is absolutely critical to give children the skills to deal with life independently and the only way this can happen is if they have enough RAM to do so.
by James Burns | Feb 1, 2012 | Bully Proof Classroom, cyberbullying, Teachers
Activity – Wrinkled Wanda – On chart paper, have the participants trace an outline of a full body person. (See below for an example) Once the outline has been traced, the participants will write unkind, rude, and disrespectful statements all over the outline. These are statements that could be made to another person like, “You’re a loser, Nobody likes you, You are dumb.” Identify the drawing as a girl named Wanda. After Wanda is completely filled with a variety of negative comments, have the participants crumple the drawing, and then un-crumple it. Post the wrinkled drawings around the room. Explain to the class that these drawings are examples of what negative comments can do to a person who is bullied. Bullying comments can destroy a person’s self image and often leads to a defeated body language in the victim.
Next have the participants do the drawing again. This time write as many positive comments on the drawing as possible. Statements like, “You did such a nice job, or I enjoy your friendship. Fill it with really nice statements. Cut this drawing out, but don’t wrinkle it. Post these drawings around the room. This person is now just called Wanda. What is the difference between the two? Have the participants get into base groups and discuss how they would introduce this lesson to their students and invent any variations on the activity that would be helpful to their students.
Activity – The toothpaste activity – Ask for a volunteer to come to the front of the room. Place a strip of masking tape on the length of the table. With a tube of toothpaste, have the volunteer run a bead of toothpaste on the length of the masking tape. Now ask the participant to put the toothpaste back in the tube. Obviously, it can’t be done. This is an example of how hurtful words once spoken cannot be taken back. Bullies say hurtful words frequently and need to know the impact that their words have on their victims.
Activity – Who am I? This activity requires an illustration about something that happened to me from the time I was in the 6th grade until I graduated from high school. My name is Jim and it became rather endearing to some to call me Jimbo. I really didn’t mind it but someone decided to drop the Jim at some point and call me Bo. I accepted the handle but way down deep I wish that folks would just call me by my real name, Jim. Oh, everyone meant no harm, but my parent’s, teachers, friends, coaches, all called me Bo. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that I didn’t like it. I lived with it. Once I got to college, I made everyone aware that my name was Jim. Often we as teachers can call students by names that we hear other students call them, and may not even be aware that they may not like being called certain names. Address your students by their actual name to avoid leveling the ground and jeopardizing your authority. If you have any question about this ask yourself what Beaver Cleaver’s teacher called him. “Theodore.”
Have the participants write down on a sheet of paper names that they were called when they were younger or that they may even be called now. After they have done this have them crumble up the paper and throw it in the garbage can as indicator that they will never be called this name again. Next have the participants write down on another sheet of paper what they want to be called as an indicator that this is what my name actually is.
by James Burns | Jan 17, 2012 | Bully Proof Classroom, cyberbullying, Parents, Teachers, Technology
Cyber bullying is a term used to define recurrent and sustained verbal and/or physical attacks by one or more children towards another child who is unable or unwilling to deescalate the engagement using information and communication technology. Like classic bullying, cyber bullying is harmful, repeated and hostile behavior intended to deprecate and disparage a targeted child.
Bullying use to be confined to schools, neighborhoods or some small geographic location that the bullied child could leave and seek respite. With cyber bullying, the target child has no escape from the taunting and harassment afforded by the internet and mobile digital technology. Given the variety of methodologies cyber bullies use, which continues to expand, provided below are the ten most common.
1. Exclusion: Exclusion is a cyber bullying tactic that is highly effective and indirectly sends a provocative message to the target child without the need for actual verbal deprecation. As its well-known children and teens are developmentally fixated on being recognized by their peers, the process of designating who is a member of the peer group and who is not included can be devastating to the target child.
2. Flaming: Flaming is a term describing an online passionate argument that frequently includes profane or vulgar language, that typically occurs in public communication environments for peer bystanders to witness including discussion boards and groups, chatrooms and newsgroups. Flaming may have features of a normal message, but its intent if designed differently.
3. Outing: Outing is a term that includes the public display, posting, or forwarding of personal communication or images by the cyber bully personal to the target child. Outing becomes even more detrimental to the target child when the communications posted and displayed publicly contains sensitive personal information or images that are sexual in nature.
4. E-mail Threats and Dissemination: E-mail Threats and Dissemination is a cyber bully tactic used to inspire fear in the target child and then informing other members in the peer group of the alleged threat. The cyber bully sends a threatening e-mail to the target child and then forwards or copy & pastes the threatening message to others of the implied threat.
5. Harassment: Harassment is sending hurtful messages to the target child that is worded in a severe, persistent or pervasive manner causing the respondent undue concern. These threatening messages are hurtful, frequent and very serious. Although sending constant and endless hurtful and insulting messages to someone may be included in cyber stalking, the implied threats in harassment does not lead the target child to believe the potential exists the cyber bully may actually be engaged in offline stalking of the target child.
6. Phishing: Phishing is a cyber bully tactic that requires tricking, persuading or manipulating the target child into revealing personal and/or financial information about themselves and/or their loved ones. Once the cyber bully acquires this information, they begin to use the information to access their profiles if it may be the target child’s password, purchasing unauthorized items with the target child’s or parents credit cards.
7. Impersonation: Impersonation or “imping” as a tactic in cyber bullying can only occur with the “veil of anonymity” offered by digital technology. Cyber bullies impersonate the target child and make unpopular online comments on social networking sites and in chat rooms. Using impersonation, cyber bullies set up websites that include vitriolic information leading to the target child being ostracized or victimized in more classic bullying ways.
8. Denigration: Denigration is used in both classic and cyber bullying, denigration is a term used to describe when cyber bullies send, post or publish cruel rumors, gossip and untrue statements about a target child to intentionally damage their reputation or friendships. Also known as “dissing,” this cyber bullying method is a common element and layer involved in most all of the cyber bullying tactics listed.
9. E-mail and Cell Phone Image Dissemination: Not only a tactic used in cyber bullying, but a form of information exchange that can be a criminal act if the images are pornographic or graphic enough depicting under aged children. Children can receive images directly on their phones and then send them to everyone in their address books. Of all cyber bullying methods, this tactic, which serves to embarrass a target child, can lead to serious criminal charges.
10. Images and Videos: Briefly described in Happy Slapping, the usage of images and video recording has become a growing concern that many communities, law enforcement agencies and schools are taking seriously. Due in part to the prevalence and accessibility of camera cell phones, photographs and videos of unsuspecting victims or the target child, taken in bathrooms, locker rooms or in other compromising situations, are being distributed electronically. Some images and videos are emailed to peers, while others are published on video sites.
by James Burns | Jan 16, 2012 | Bully Proof Classroom, cyberbullying
For proactive parents who plan to practice & institute Internet safety, I’ve compiled my quick checklist & tips to help ensure all your bases are covered. The list provided is a quick injection of internet safety awareness. I hope my checklist helps insulate your child from abuse and leads to a safer and more productive use of the internet. This list was developed by Dr. Michael Nuccitelli a Forensic Psychologist and the founder of iPredator. He has given me permission to publish his information on this site.
Definition
Internet Predator – (iPredatorTM): A child or adult who engages in psychological and/or physical victimization of others motivated by; peer acceptance, malice, spite and criminal or deviant drives using digital communications technology, telecommunications or mobile devices.
FBI’s Parents Internet Safety Guide: Visit the FBI’s website and thoroughly read their excellent overview called “A Parent’s Guide to Internet Safety.” Before moving on to step two, make sure you’ve written down and have easy access to your local police department’s phone numbers. Link: http://www.fbi.gov/statsservices/publications/parent-guide.
Offline Distress Dictates Online Response (ODDOR): A child is particularly prone to engage in high-risk behaviors online if he/she is feeling discouraged, angry or distressed. Do not move on to the next step until you’re confident your child is feeling encouraged, stable or being monitored by a professional or trusted loved one. Of the hundreds of articles and studies I’ve researched, a child’s psychological status highly correlates with their online behaviors. If there are ongoing conflicts at home, recent traumatic events or any other anxiety and/or distressing events in the home, it’s very important to monitor your child’s online usage.
Just as important as your child’s home environment is your child’s school environment. Given you can’t be with your child when they are at school, it’s important to maintain regular contacts with school officials regarding your child’s attitudes and behaviors on school grounds. Although academics in school are a priority, your child’s demeanor with teachers and fellow students speaks to their psychological and emotional welfare. Research has directly linked a child’s school and home environments to their online activities.
Personal Information Prevention Planning: The number one and most important issue to address with your child is the amount of personal information they share online. Getting your child to practice minimal release of their name, contact information, photographs and passwords to their social sites is highly desirable. If I were to make an approximation of the several hundred articles I’ve read on internet safety and cyber security, 99% percent of them list restriction of sharing personal information online being vital to internet safety.
It can’t be emphasized enough, but children who disclose their contact information, personal information and images freely are at a much higher risk of being targeted by an iPredator. The goal as an Internet safety proactive parent is not to totally restrict or forbade your child from sharing personal information, but to educate them on being highly cautious and consistently aware when, why and what they disclose to others.
Peers, Parents & the PTA: Given you can’t monitor your child’s online activities when they’re not in your presence, its paramount to access those people who will be. Your child’s friends, their friend’s parents and their school are the three prime social targets you should be in regular contact with. The goal is to initiate and sustain open communication with your child’s friends and their parents regarding internet safety expectations. Just because you have restricted your child from certain online activities doesn’t mean your child’s friends are restricted or their parents have online house rules.
Using your capacity to be cordial and polite, maintain a consistent open dialogue with your child’s social circles. Regarding your child’s school environment, it’s important to have an open dialogue with school officials and/or the PTA to ensure internet safety and cyber security mechanisms are in place. Before the school year begins, contact school officials and investigate their internet safety measures, educational emphasis on Internet security and procedures for cyberbullying, cyberstalking, sexting, mobile device usage during school hours and cybercrime related to adolescent life.
Know Your Child’s Social Networking Sites: As of 2011, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Tagged and MyYearbook are among the most popular social networking sites children and teens look to for their cyber identity, digital reputation and online social relationships. Thanks to the Internet and digital technology, many children and teens look to the digital universe for their developmental milestones and self-esteem.
Unfortunately, iPredators also choose these sites as their most favored websites spending most of their free time trolling for unsuspecting, naïve, discouraged or high-risk children. Given the 400-500 popular global social sites and growing, it’s of the utmost importance to spend time with your child discussing digital citizenship and cautious online communications.
Smartphones & Cellphones Need More Smarts: A smartphone is a wireless phone with voice, messaging, scheduling, e-mail and Internet capabilities. Research and marketing trend experts’ project sales of smartphones will exceed personal computers by the end of 2012. In 2012, 500 million smartphones are projected to be sold. Despite the benefits of mobile digital technology, children and teens are becoming more dependent on their mobile phones more than ever before.
Weekly Digital Dinner: The term may sound absurd, but making it a habit to discuss the family’s digital habits at least once weekly during dinner is both proactive and helpful. In today’s dual economy and single parent households, dinnertime is one of the few weekly events that are consistent, social. As just mentioned, it’s the family’s digital habits and interactions discussed and not the child’s weekly interrogation. By all family members discussing their internet activities, children will feel more comfortable to disclose information relevant to internet safety and their online activities.
During these weekly discussions, always make sure to discuss the importance of being highly cautious of sharing personal information online. It’s also highly recommended to discuss positive, beneficial aspects and stories about online usage to make the weekly discussions fair and balanced. Prior to every weekly digital dinner discussion, its highly recommended to announce to all involved that any information shared regarding online activities will not cause punishment, retribution or embarrassment. This weekly announcement may be redundant, but it reaffirms to your children that they won’t be punished for their mistakes or irresponsible behaviors.
House Rules Include Online Rules: Just as children have curfews, responsibilities and chores, they also should have online rules & regulations. Based on my conclusory findings, there are no universal online rules that can be applied to children of all ages. The three that I feel are relevant to children of all ages and at all times are; cautious disclosure of sharing personal information online, never meeting someone they’ve met online without supervision and never sharing their passwords to anyone other than their parents.
Other than this triad, parents should establish house online rules based on their child’s age, developmental maturity, knowledge and persistence of internet safety. In addition to the trifecta of obvious rules I mention, research
has led me to conclude that nighttime online usage and time patterns should be considered when negotiating or designing online rules. Research on iPredators have concluded that they prefer to troll for their victims during evening hours and at time intervals when the child or children they’re targeting typically log on to the internet. The iPredator learns online log on habits and sets their online schedule to match the child they’re targeting.
Knowing your child will be experiencing these highly dramatic & emotionally charged events, you can use them to your advantage regarding their online activities. Instead of telling your child “NO,” educate them on how images and information we share online can last for years. Just as rumors of friends spread, online rumors and embarrassing images can go “viral.” Directly connecting your child’s developmental fears to their online behaviors of disclosing information is an effective and natural internet safety technique. When done in a kind, respectful way, this method for teaching your child to be cautious of sharing personal information can be highly effective.
Complete Parental Control? No Such Thing: With the trends of today’s online community and technological advancements, insulating your child from iPredators and keeping them safe online has ever been more challenging. Ranging from home computers to mobile digital technology, children have access and exposed to multiple forms of online activities and devices. Even if you use content blockers, filters, trackers or parental control software, children have ways to get around these if their heart and minds are set on engaging in high-risk online activities. If, like me, you’re not a digital technology expert, it’s best to rely on the professionals.
Prior to purchasing security software or hardware, contact a trusted source. In every community, someone either your friends or a colleague knows is a digital technology expert. Given the market is flooded with hundreds of products, services and methods, contact your local expert source and rely on their recommendations. Secondly, contact your phone and internet service provider for what they recommend to protect your child.
I’ve provided you with a short, but thorough and effective internet safety tips checklist to help reduce the chances your child becomes a target of online predators, cyberbullies and/or cyberstalkers. The Internet, digital technology and mobile devices will continue to influence all children as their peers, advertising and cultural trends place pressure upon them to have the latest smartphones and access to the most popular social networking sites.
If it hasn’t happened already, I guarantee your child will approach you on numerous occasions pleading for the newest digital technology and/or wanting to join the growing number of social sites that will be in fashion in the future. The key to being a proactive parent is making the effort to learn about iPredators and Internet safety. The most important internet safety advice to protect your child can be summed up in one statement as follows:
An iPredator will always move on to other victims when a parent takes the time to beproactive, preventative and protective.
Dr. Michael Nuccitelli is a New York State licensed psychologist and certified forensic consultant. He completed his doctoral degree in clinical psychology in 1994 from the Adler School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, Illinois. In 1997, Dr. Nuccitelli became a licensed psychologist in New York State (License # 013009.) In 2006, he received the Certified Forensic Consultant designation from the American College of Forensic Examiners (Identification # 103110.)
