“Many abused children cling to the hope that growing up will bring escape and freedom. But the personality formed in the environment of coercive control is not well adapted to adult life. The survivor is left with fundamental problems in basic trust, autonomy, and initiative. She approaches the task of early adulthood – establishing independence and intimacy – burdened by major impairments in self-care, in cognition and in memory, in identity, and in the capacity to form stable relationships. She is still a prisoner of her childhood; attempting to create a new life, she reencounters the trauma.” – Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence – from Domestic Violence to Political Terror
When our service men came back after World War II they were known to have been shell shocked or were suffering from battle fatigue. It wasn’t until more recently (within the last 20 years) that we began to refer to this condition as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This condition is related to the traumatizing events of a person’s childhood, or from other events that became part of the person’s imprinted memory. We really didn’t have much information about this condition sixty years ago, and our military veterans were left to flounder in a life of unemployment, alcoholism, and and marital problems. Our knowledge of this topic now has shed light on the fact that childhood neglect, abuse, and captivity has caused many of the symptoms that are very similar to the ones that our military men suffered and still suffer from today.
Those who have suffered from abuse, and neglect now have a condition referred to as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), and many of our children today exhibit the same symptoms as our veterans did and still do only at a much earlier age. Knowing this should put parents and schools on notice that this condition needs to be treated early, with interventional strategies put in place to help alleviate the symptoms, and treat the root cause. Schools should take a psycho-educational approach and begin to create awareness of this condition and work with the students and the parents to keep this condition from becoming inter-generational and affecting future families and individuals.
Warning: This Video Contains Disturbing and Sensitive Content
Bench Notice
After watching this video it has become apparent that deviance has reached an all time high with morality beginning to scrape rock bottom. This is premeditated social media brain washing that preys on vulnerable children to get them to perform unspeakable acts. Writing this post almost disturbs me but I want every parent and child to be warned and to stay away from WhatsApp the platform for Momo. Parents need to become more vigilant now than ever before and monitor their child’s social media habits.
The government seems want to be involved in every aspect of our lives. They regulate, they monitor and at times tell us what we can and cannot do. Google probably know us all personally, we just don’t know it. It seems like a big brother of sorts is watching all the time.
The question: Where the hell are they now?. I don’t care about freedom of speech or some other law or rule that allows for free expression. This junk and the group of social engineers running this thing needs to be shut down immediately. Charges need to be filed by the FCC against the developers of Momo for violation of privacy and for encouraging kids to engage in acts that would bring harm to themselves or others.
Actions do speak louder than words, for sure. If you follow the pattern, thoughts lead to words and words translate into action. That is unless of course you are a bag of wind and never follow through on anything you say. Kids though get placed on the battlefield of the bully/victim dynamic through their words, and get pressured into taking action. Of course this all starts in their thoughts. The more that gets said the more action has to be taken.
Most of the time these actions are taken out of impulse, leading to serious problems between bullies, victims, and other students who they are friends with creating discipline problems for teachers, administration, and the schools bullying specialist. Always keep your hand on the pulse of your classroom, or your school, and listen for threatening words that you know could lead to a bullying event. At this point the child or teen thoughts have escaped the confines of his secret life and have now become public. STOP HIM NOW, before you have a bigger problem to deal with.
Bench Notice
The Actions that a person takes in their life can have both immediate and long term consequences. Often there are regrets and guilt that develop as a person rehashes things that were done or said that should have been left undone and unspoken. This guilt can be carried around for a lifetime. It’s important to mention here because of what that guilt produces in a person’s life. Guilt can cause, bitterness, condemnation of others, relationship problems, depression lack of confidence and a poor self image to name a few.
Any action that a person takes should be evaluated through the filter of short and long term consequences. The action may bring temporary relief at the time (you might feel good because you told off your boss) but, you may leave a wake of problems that leaves you unemployed because of a poor job reference down the road. We all need to live one day at a time and ask ourselves the type of legacy we want to leave because of or actions.
I can say what I want when I want to, I guess that’s freedom of speech. I guess we can post or text anything we want as well. Kids have been sold this. What kids need to understand is that they can say, post, and text whatever they want; WITH CONSEQUENCES. Just because we are thinking something doesn’t mean we have to say it. Our students need to evaluate their words and what damage those words can do to others. The tongue weighs about 2 ounces; yet it can control the events of our life. Healthy confrontations, debates, and constructive suggestion are good qualities of communication that we all should develop. Spewing, rumors, gossip, and hurtful statements can only create a school environment that is void of moral, trust, and integrity.
Teach your students that if they are going to say something that could prove hurtful to just wait 30 minutes, and evaluate if what they are going to say is truthful, kind, and necessary. Victims suffer because of verbal abuse and words can truly cut deep into a person’s heart and soul. This wait time will allow them to evaluate the cost of their words and avoid the guilt that they will experience from hurting another person. We are all just a compilation of what people have said to us and have done to us. Remember the heart of person can be broken in a second by caustic words.
Bench Notice
We are now in the communication era and the kids of this era are known as the IGeneration (I For Iphone). That wait time that I just spoke is more critical than ever now. The impulse is too great and kids will text things that they wouldn’t normally say face to face. Society’s Morality Can’t Keep Up With Technology,and it’s that technology that the IGeneration really knows how to use to spread rumors, gossip, and often photos that can damage a person’s reputation for a lifetime. There almost needs to be a course on Iphone etiquette. Maybe there is and if there is it needs to be required starting in the 3rd. grade.
What is the definition of the word worry? Any thoughts? Worry occurs when we assume a responsibility that we were never intended to have. How often do we worry about things that are just out of our control? I do all the time. But, what responsibilities are ours and ours alone? We are all responsible for out thoughts, words, actions, attitudes, and motives.As teachers we need to teach our kids about these areas. For the next five days I will be sharing tips on how to teach these responsibilities to our students. We teach in two ways, through direct instruction and by example. How can I be an example for my students and help them to always evaluate their thoughts? Instead of asking them after a bullying event; what were you thinking, ask them daily; what do you have on your mind today. Begin an open dialogue with your students. A technique I happen to really like that I learned from Dr. Allen Mendler who wrote Discipline with Dignity is called the 2 X 10. Take a student that is a known bully and have a 2 minute conversation with him like you would with a friend. Ask a question or two about other classes that the student is in, or maybe discuss a sports team you know that he/she is interested in. Do this for 10 days straight. What will happen around the eighth day is the student will come to you for the conversation. You can then begin to peak into the thought life of this student. You may make a new friend.
Responsibility and accountability: These are words that we see as very interchangeable. But, really not so much. A child or an adult can be responsible for their actions without being held accountable. Often students are found responsible for their actions but are never held accountable with a consequence, or a consequence of any meaning. By that I mean a consequence that will stop recalcitrant behaviors. Children and adults are imprinted by their up bringing and their experiences and by past events that will drive their thoughts into actions. This can be both good and bad. When thoughts are formed that are negative in nature these thoughts will begin drive behaviors such as isolation, depression, and anxiety. A positive imprint will result in the development of a self image and a world view that promotes thoughts and the belief that I am a contributor and that I am capable. Children who have been victimized by abuse, neglect, hurtful words, and exclusion can begin to believe the lies to be true and see themselves as unworthy of healthy and rewarding relationships and experiences with others. Bullies are driven be power, victims are driven be revenge. We need to begin to focus more on the victim than on the bully if we are going to make a difference in the mental health of our children and help to improve the climate of our schools.
Parents who are angry and irate can wreak havoc in a school and can be intimidating. Learn how to defuse power struggles and maintain your dignity, and the dignity of the parent as you handle planned and unplanned parent /teacher conferences.This is a 5 hour self study course. The participants may be eligible for 5 hours of professional development credit.
