by James Burns | Sep 8, 2011 | Bully Proof Classroom, Parents, Teachers
On April 4, 2011Bryan Stow a married father of two went to Dodger Stadium to enjoy the opening day of the baseball season with two of his friends. Unfortunately, Stow and his friends did anything but enjoy the game. They were taunted and threatened by two men during the game, and attacked outside the stadium in the parking lot. Two of Stow’s friends got away but the assailants caught up with him, struck him on the back of the head knocking him to the ground and then kicked him senseless. Both assailants fled in a four door sedan driven by a woman. The event was all over the news and the assailants were eventually caught. Stow had to be placed in a medically induced coma because of the brain damaged he suffered from the attack.
Why were these men taunted, threatened, and then attacked? The answer, they were all wearing Giant’s jerseys. They were Giant fans at a Dodger game. I guess you can’t wear your teams’ jersey to a game without the fear of being attacked by the fans of a rival team. At least that is what Paul O’Neil, the part time broadcaster on the YES network for the Yankees says. This past Sunday (September 4, 2011) the Yankees were playing the Toronto Blue Jays. I was flipping back and forth watching both the Mets and the Yankees. Between innings, the camera panned into the stands revealing a fan wearing a Boston Red Sox jersey. O’Neil seeing this commented, “It takes a lot of nerve right there wearing a Red Sox Jersey to Yankee Stadium. There not even playing the Red Sox.” After what happened at Dodger Stadium in April I was stunned. So stunned I had to watch the encore presentation of the game to be sure I heard what I heard. Unfortunately what I heard was accurate.
O’Neil, a long time player for the Yankees was always known for his hot head. If he got called out on strikes, or didn’t get a hit in a clutch situation the camera would pan into the dugout to find him reacting in some type of immature rant or worse case scenario taking his bat and smashing it into a Gatorade cooler. When the pitcher for the Blue Jays Bret Cecil was taken out of the game after giving up a homerun, the camera caught him in the dugout smashing equipment. O’Neil seeing this said on the air, “Don’t stop there, there is a few more things that you can throw.” O Neil’s fans may have viewed him as a role model for his grit and determination; I view him as a bully because of how he uses his position to instill fear and intimidation. As an announcer he put the entire country on notice; don’t wear an opposing team’s jersey to a Yankee game or you might end up like Bryan Stow. As a player, call me out on strikes and the dugout will look like Beirut. He is no longer a player, and the truth be told he was mediocre at best on any other team but the Yankees. That’s why the Cincinnati Reds gave him away for Roberto Kelly. Maybe the Reds got fed up with his immature antics and saw him as a poor example for their young fans. Bravo.
O’Neil needs to be called out by the YES network and Major League Baseball. It is comments like the one he made that contribute to a pervasive attitude which tells our youth to draw lines in the sand, and bully and intimidate any person with a different view or in this case a different team. Players and announcers have the ability to influence our young people in a variety of ways and have the responsibility of making sure that their influence is a positive one. Even the great Mickey Mantle commented after his liver transplant what a poor role model he was and pleaded with young people not to be like him. O’Neil doesn’t have the courage to emulate Mr. Mantle. He is too prideful and too arrogant.
by James Burns | Aug 9, 2011 | Bully Proof Classroom, Parents, Teachers, Technology
A student is accused of posing as a girl on Facebook, tricking at least 31 male classmates into sending him naked photos of themselves and then blackmailing some for sex acts. Anthony Stancl, 18, of New Berlin, west of Milwaukee, was charged with five counts of child enticement, two counts of second-degree sexual assault of a child, two counts of third-degree sexual assault, possession of child pornography, repeated sexual assault of the same child and making a bomb threat. A survey of 1,280 teenagers (users age 13-19) and young adults (age 20-26) conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl.com has revealed that one out of five (20 percent) teens overall have posted nude photos or video of themselves on the Internet-that number goes up to a third when young adults are included. While 71 percent of teen girls and 67 percent of teen guys who have sent these photos say they’ve sent them to a boyfriend or girlfriend, 15 percent overall said they’ve sent nude photos to people they only “knew” online. For women, that percentage stays the same when they turn into young adults, although the percentage of young adult men goes up to 23 percent.
This is just another example of what society developed for good, deviant minds have used for criminal, and immoral purposes. What is the problem? Is it to difficult for individuals to enjoy the tools of convenience without trying to figure out how to use it to satisfy their own immoral appetites? I believe that speed and the lack of impulse control plays a big part in why these acts occur on a regular basis today. The speed of text messaging, and sending emails and pictures from a cell phone, combined with the poor impulse control on the part of deviant individuals creates an environment where people can say and send anything they want to another person, things that they wouldn’t say in person like “do you want to screw,” or do in person, like getting naked.
I am 67 years old, 40 years ago if I or anyone of my friends wanted to take and send nude pictures of ourselves or anyone else (By the way we never did) we would have to live with the embarrassment of having these pictures developed by a photographer. In order for a picture to be taken it needed two things, a subject and a photographer. No teenage girls were going to take their clothes off for some sex crazed boy and let him take her picture. Any pictures that were taken of anyone, and I mean clothed usually required a five day period for development. Everyone had time to think. It wasn’t as easy as hitting the send key.
Once the send key is hit everyone has a record of what was sent, a record that will last a lifetime, and probably create a lifetime of misery. Society’s stagnant morality just can’t seem to keep up with the rapidly moving technology. We haven’t figured out how to use our new toys and are always looking for ways to use these things to self destruct or to ruin the reputation of another person. When I was a kid I was told, never write a letter, and to never throw away a letter. I understand this now better than ever. At least 40 years ago if I wrote a letter I could decide if I wanted to mail it off. If it was written in anger I could think about it and allow my impulses to calm down. If someone sent me a letter that was less than friendly I had a permanent record of that person’s thoughts of me.
Today people just don’t think, they get a thought, no matter where they are and immediately begin to text someone and begin to berate another person without even giving it a second thought. It is just as easy as hitting the send key. Below is an article I wrote a while back about how this type of selfish and uncontrollable behavior affected an evening that I was spending with my daughter Sarah. It is living proof how texting if not used correctly can ruin and day, and evening, or a life. Thank God things worked out, but remember it all started with an impulsive text message. I left in my advice for those of you who have children who could be impacted by such insensitivity by others.
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Many years ago when my oldest daughter Sarah was about 4 years old a good friend of mine told me that girls were easier to raise than boys. Well my oldest daughter is now 20 years old and I still haven’t figured it out yet. One thing I do know is that I hate to see my daughter upset. I don’t mean mildly upset, that just goes with being a teenager, but upset to the point of tears. This happened to me one night when my daughter was 17. She received a text message from one of her friends. The text message said that she wanted to talk to her about something. Sarah couldn’t get in touch with the girl that sent the text so she called another one of the girls in this group. She has been friend with 4 girls for about the last two years. These girls did everything together. Hang out mostly as Sarah calls it. They went to parties together, studied together, drove to school together, and yes, they got into trouble once in a while together.
When she called one of the girls up the girl told Sarah that all four girls were upset with her because they were starting to view her as being selfish, and annoying. My daughter was blindsided by this information and really didn’t know what to say. She didn’t even know what they were talking about. I asked her if she thought this information was true. She told me no. I then asked her if she thought she might have a couple of blind spots and the girls were possibly seeing something in her that she just didn’t see in herself. She said no, and I must say did a pretty convincing job backing up what she told me. The question is this; how do you as a dad offer a teenage daughter advice in situations like these? I am no expert but, I believe that I did a pretty good job based upon the outcome.
Teenage girls always seem to like to be connected to some group outside their family. Teenage boys like the connection also, but a boy’s connection is usually with some type of sports team, or club. Girls like to be connected to each other. The longer this connection lasts the greater the chance that their weaknesses will be exposed, and for sure they will start engaging in rumors, and gossiping about one another. Girls also tend to become more jealous in these relationships if a boy becomes involved in this mix. Once one of the girls has an opinion about someone else in their group they will bend over backward to try and convince the other members of the group that it is true. They will even search for the evidence to prove their point. This behavior becomes crushing and emotionally painful to the girl who is being ganged up on, as was the case with my daughter.
What can you do when your daughter confides in you enough to tell you what is going on? First, listen, and I mean listen well. Find out all the facts and please don’t react or condemn your daughter. Don’t say to her you better change your ways. If you are condemning her it’s a good chance that that’s the reason why she looking for connections outside the family. The next thing is to love her to death with your actions and words. My comment to my daughter was, I like everything about you. I like how you talk and how you act. Help her understand that you are her biggest fan. Let her know that she doesn’t have to apologize for something that she truly believes she is not guilty of. I mean are these girls the only one with an opinion. Of course if she feels as if she has done something to offend someone apologize, and move on.
Tell your daughter that long term relationships give everyone an opportunity to show their true colors. These relationships may be nice at first, but the longer that a person is in them the greater the chance that the true character of someone will pop up. That’s when a person has to decide if they want to stay friends with someone who is not a very loyal friend. Tell your daughter to stand tall, hold her head up, and don’t let them see you cry, and that you will be there to help her do all of these.
Adolescent relationships are a growth process. There is pain that can come from being hurt by a so called friend. Guess what? By the time your daughter is 22, she will have the savvy to manage this type of crap and she won’t be emotionally immature when it comes down to relationships. All friendships are not intimate, and by that I mean a relationship that involves a person’s heart, mind, and soul. The relationships that your daughter has with someone in high school might be viewed by her as intimate. Relationships have a continuum that go from, acquaintance, friend, close friend, and then intimate friend. An intimate friend is usually someone that is a life long friend.
By the way after I offered my daughter some of my wisdom, which by the way took me two days, she said to me “I really love you dad,” and was happier than I have seen her in a long while. When I was alone, I cried, yes I cried again. I am such a big baby.
by James Burns | Jul 27, 2011 | Bully Proof Classroom, Parents, Teachers, Uncategorized
The New 3Rs in Education
Respect, Responsibility, and Relationships
Remember: All Schools in New Jersey Must Designate
The First Week of October as Respect Week
Everybody knows what the 3 R’s of teaching are – reading, writing, and ‘rithmetic. But educators don’t totally understand that in order to teach these basic subjects successfully, they must constantly be working to develop respect and responsibility in their students. No longer can it be assumed that children develop these attitudes at home. Plus, teachers must learn how to build positive relationships with their students. Strong teacher-student relationships naturally foster a positive and safe learning environment where much learning will take place and where all students will become capable, connected, and contributing members of their classrooms.
Jim Burns the author of “The New 3R’s In Education – Respect, Responsibility and Relationships” is scheduling in-services, workshops, conferences, and keynotes for the 2011-12 school year. Jim brings over 30 of experiences as well as practical strategies to help teachers, administrators, and parents teach respect, encourages responsible behavior in their students and explains how to build more positive relationships with their students and children.
LEARN PRACTICAL STRATEGIES THAT WILL TEACH THE NEW 3R’S
Teach respect, responsibility, and compliance
Learn how to build strong positive relationships with students and parents
Understand how principles, rules, and procedures create a secure safe environment
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Understand how to give instruction, warnings, and correction
Receive a set of effective consequences for grades K-12 that will impact future behavior
Practice proven verbal responses you can use in a crisis situation
Build respect and rapport with your most difficult students
Develop language that confronts without condemning
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ORDER YOUR COPY OF “THE NEW 3RS” BY CALLING
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