How Did You Do It?

 
A Reflective Journal
For Those Who Have Learned How To Stop Being Bullied

How does childhood bullying affect a person’s self confidence, resiliency, and courage? How much fear still remains in the victim in social situations and during even the smallest of confrontations?

There are those that have overcome the fear bullying and that is what this journal is about. It is an opportunity for those who were bullied to document their experience and let others know how they did it. They can tell their story and then through reflection and insight lay out their plan of how they regained their confidence and emotional strength. It is designed to help the journal writer realize how they really are a type of pioneer who has paved the way for others to follow. It is my hope that they share their success with others.

Who should use this journal? Anyone who wants to make a difference in their life and the lives of others. It is great for high school teenagers, young adults, those who are still being bullied that need to make a plan to overcome issues that are standing in their way of a successful life. It can be used as a resource for those in the mental health industry, youth groups, guidance counselors and school social workers.

This Journal can be used by anyone to write about how they overcame the fear of bullying. They should take the time to answer the questions and share their success with others and keep track of the progress that was made. It is great tool for groups or individuals. They can continue to journal and use the Life Notebook section to stay up to date on their ongoing success story

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8 Core Principles

This reflective journal lays out 8 core principles that will help you discover how you can put them to use in your life. You will have the opportunity to journal about your progress and document success stories that have resulted because of the use of these core principles. So take your time and feel good about yourself as you journal about your trip down the road to becoming your personal best. Your job is to review the principles and reflect on the questions that are posed below and reflect about your progress as you implement them in your life. Good luck and have fun.

Who should Use This Journal?

If you are interested in permanent help, not temporary relief you should read and use this journal. Parents, teachers, teenagers, employers, coaches, and those in the self help industry can all benefit from using this journal for personal self growth. It is designed to provide the framework for lasting change and an opportunity for lifelong success. The beauty of the journal is you decide how you are going to make the changes and you can evaluate your life one step at a time.

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Classroom Kryptonite

Before You Read This Book Please Read This

  1. In writing this book I interchange kid, student, child, and he and she. They all mean the same thing.
  1. I interchange parent, teacher and society. They all merely mean someone who is supposed to be in charge.
  1. You will find one intervention used for multiple behaviors. That’s because they work with different kids in many situations.
  1. I see many behaviors as being learned but don’t doubt that there may be organic problems that cause the behavior.
  1. I will not joust with anyone regarding conditions such as ADHD or ODD. My goal is to help create an understanding between what is a condition and what is a learned behavior.
  1. I don’t doubt that circumstances can give us reasons for certain behaviors; but there are no excuses.
  1. In my final thoughts I include an article “Everybody Knows” please read it. By the way you can find it on youtube and it is now a self study course that you can purchase here http://payhip.com/b/E1cs
  1. I am sure that there are many more behaviors that teachers and parents deal with other than the ones mentioned here.
  1. I am an Anti Bullying Consultant, retired principal, speaker, and writer. I have observed that most behaviors that we deal with are relationship based and disrespect, irresponsibility, and unkindness, apathy, and willful non-compliance pervades our society.
  1. Some things work some of the time but, nothings works all of the time.
  1. This is only volume one. If you have behaviors that you would like me to include in future volumes please email me at jameshburns55@gmail.com.
  1. Please read the articles associated with the behaviors and other supporting information in the appendix.

Introduction

There are people that we absolutely can’t stand. There are those that lie, cheat, and steal. There are whiners, complainers, gossip hounds, and sneaks. There are some who are so arrogant and are such a know it all that a conversation with them is almost painful. There are those that are so angry that we avoid telling them things that they don’t want to hear because we fear their reaction. Then there are those who are absolute criminals who don’t have a conscience who do things that are designed to inflict pain and suffering on other’s. Professionals who work with these people are trained to look beyond certain behaviors and convince themselves that they like the person but don’t like their behavior. Good luck if you are a teacher because kids who exhibit certain behaviors are just plain unlikeable, and in reality they know that they are unlikable and it may even be his/her way of getting the negative attention that he is starving for. The adults who exhibit some of the behaviors mentioned above were once kids who learned how to get away with things like disrespect, irresponsibility, and non-compliance as students and now have taken their deviance to a level that their life and the lives of others are being negatively impacted.

It doesn’t matter if it is organic or learned certain things just can’t be tolerated. Some of the behaviors are so inter-generational and so ingrained that that we can believe that the person is determined and that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and up bringing or genetics is the issue. In reality though we are only influenced by our genetics or upbringing and there has to be a switch in thinking as we change our response to negative influences. By the time a child starts kindergarten certain conclusions have already been drawn and he/she already believes that a temper tantrum gets the job done and I will get what I want when I want it. Until of course they discover something different and have to revert to deviance to get what they believe they are entitled to.

Behaviors like the ones just mentioned can’t be and should not be tolerated by schools or by society in general. Why; because they weaken families, systems, and classrooms. They become like Kryptonite and can begin to eat away at the moral fiber of society. For teachers life can become a nightmare when they have to deal with continual deviance and can’t do what they are paid to do and that’s to teach. Here are ten behaviors that I believe are like Classroom Kryptonite and if not dealt with early will do nothing more than prepare kids for a lifetime of misery who will try and shoehorn themselves into systems that will not accept their perception of life and their negative behavior.

We will assume that there are two reasons for negative behaviors; they are either learned or that they are organic meaning that there is some form of mental illness associated with the behavior that has affected a person’s judgment or has resulted in poor impulse control.

Kids often have what I call a “Choosing Disability.” In other words they have not developed the ability to make the correct choices and have trouble determining right and wrong behavior. There are reasons for poor choices but there are no excuses. Excuses when used can imply that we believe that the behavior should be excused with no consequences being imposed. Reasons explain the circumstance but regardless still hold the person accountable with a consequence. There is a short article that I wrote many years ago that offers a clear explanation. You can find it in the appendix as article one.

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How To Start The Conversation With Your Child About Sexting

I used to wonder how I could bring up awkward subjects with my children, and as far as those go, sexting is pretty high on the list. At the time they start doing this, kids already understand the basic concepts of sex. In fact, a lot of them consider themselves to be experts who need no further information or instruction from mom and dad because they already “get it”.

DoSomething.org has reported that about 40% of all teens have sent sexts, and these numbers are weighted heavily by age – the older a teen is, the more likely they are to engage in sexting at some point. Given all of this, it’s clear that you need to talk with your child about sexting. Here’s how to do it.

Start with a strong opening

Tell your child to put their cell phone down, then say flat-out that you want to talk with them about sexting. Start by asking them how much they know about it – teens are often uncomfortable when put on the spot, but you really do need to know how familiar with the subject they are. If they ask why you want to know, just tell them that people have killed themselves after sexting and you want to make sure they’ll be safe.

Be honest, and avoid judging

Regardless of your personal feelings, you should try to avoid saying that sexting is wrong. If your teen has already sexted – or even just favorably considered the idea – they’re probably going to interpret that statement as a reflection on them. “Sexting is bad” becomes “You don’t trust me”, and few things will make a teen stop listening faster than the idea that you’re still treating them like a child.

Instead, focus on the safety aspect of it, starting with the statistics cited at DoSomething.org (through the first link above). Once both of you are on the same page, it’s time to address the problems with it. There are three particularly important issues to address.

1. Sexts are effectively child pornography

Most teens don’t think of it this way, but it’s true. If they share a sext with someone else, even if it was just passed to them, they are actively involved in the spread of child pornography and could get into legal trouble as a result.

2. You have no control of messages or pictures once they’re sent to someone else

No matter how much your child likes their current date, that relationship probably isn’t going to last… and people have been known to use sexts for revenge pornography. Once something is out on the internet, it’s almost impossible to stop it, and a significant number of sexts end up shared.

3. Many people, of both genders, are pressured into sexting

Dates may use phrases like “prove that you love me” or “I really want to see you” in order to pressure teens into sending sexts. However, teens should think carefully about whether or not they want to be in a relationship with someone who pushes them into something they’re not comfortable with.

This is not exclusive to girls. Boys can be pressured into sexting, too – and that kind of pressure is wrong no matter who is on the receiving end.

Keep the emphasis on their safety

Your goal shouldn’t be to stop sexting, per se – many people (including quite a few adults) think of it as a normal, healthy way of expressing their sexuality. However, you should try to keep your child safe, and that’s where the focus of the conversation should be. If you need additional help, you can look into tech safety and keeping a closer eye on what they’re doing – most teens don’t like being monitored, but if they know you’ll find out about their sexts anyway, they’re more likely to talk to you when they’re worried… especially if they know you’ll be sympathetic and help them, rather than threatening to take their phone away.

Talking about sexting isn’t easy, but it is important. Of course, every family is different, so don’t be afraid to change parts of the conversation to better fit your own family’s values and the personality of your child. Don’t wait too long to start, either – the sooner they understand the topic, the safer they’ll be.

Hillary Smith is a freelance journalist who specialized in telecommunications. As a graduate of NorthWestern’s prestigious Medill School of Journalism, she’s combines her love of technology, gadgets, and bulldogs with a career in freelance writing to make the world a more enlightened place.