by James Burns | Oct 16, 2019 | Burns' Bench
How do you feel when you’ve accomplished something? Better yet how do you feel when you’ve accomplished something and you’ve worked long and hard at it? Whether it’s losing weight, finishing college at 40 years old, quitting smoking. or solving a problem that you’ve encountered for the first time it feels great when you look back and can say it didn’t beat me, I got it done. The relief of knowing that the task is complete lifts a tremendous amount of emotional weight off your shoulders. It’s not just how you feel about getting the job done, and putting a check mark next to the task on the to – do list that makes you feel good, It’s how you feel about yourself and what it does to your own level of self esteem that really makes the difference. You begin to feel more confident in other areas of life and are not so resistant to try something new again for fear of failure. Kids are no different, once they experience success they are more open to trying new things and are not as resistant to instruction because in their mind they know that they have had past successes. Those past successes though have to be true successes, kids can’t be given a false sense of their abilities in grade one by being given good grades for their work because by the time they reach the second or third grade they will discover just how much they don’t know leading to low self esteem and ultimately fear of failure.
The only way to avoid this potential problem from occurring is to consistently hold students accountable for their work, have high academic expectations, and to work students until you are convinced that they have mastered the material that was taught them. Once students are convinced that you will not accept shoddy work and they will have to do work over and over again until their grade is acceptable they will work to get the assignment right the first time. After the student puts the work in and achieves success, and really know the concept being taught he/she to will look back and say to him or herself that this assignment didn’t beat me. Giving poor grades doesn’t lower student self esteem. Low self esteem comes when the student doesn’t understand the concepts and is not given the opportunity to improve. Tougher grading practices hold students accountable for an acceptable grade, and provides additional instruction to ensure that the student has the opportunity to master the material. Students need opportunities to succeed but, they also need opportunities to fail. It is those failures that should be the red flag for the teacher as to what the student doesn’t know. Once those failures are overcome, a sense of success will encourage the student to be more diligent in his efforts and improve how he or she feels about themselves academically.
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by James Burns | Jan 30, 2019 | Burns' Bench
I like you, but I don’t like your behavior. This little gem came out of the self-esteem movement of the 60’s and 70’s. Certain phrases or philosophies that may have worked 50 years ago may suffer from an over-use injury or are just antiquated. Students who are rude, discourteous, and disrespectful can be difficult to like. Ask yourself this: if you were treated by an adult in the same negative manner as a student treated you, how hard would it be to stand by this statement? Pretty tough. Our students do become adults, who may not be liked because of their behavior. I am not saying that you should tell kids that you don’t like them. What I am saying is that they know all too well that we don’t. Our body language, attitudes, and words are all indicators of how we feel about certain students. Some kids are very tough to get close to, and in reality, to like. Don’t let your thoughts dictate your actions; fake it, bite the bullet, and keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Do whatever it takes to build a relationship with the student who is unlikable and a potential disruptive force in your classroom. Once we come clean with our real emotions, our influence will be greater and we will then begin to facilitate lasting change.
Bench Notice
Just a side note here. Standing to closely to this statement could produce greater acceptance of deviant behavior and a failure to enforce appropriate consequence. Sometimes we use this statement because we are afraid of a kid or the parent who berates the school and the teacher because they’re afraid of their own kid as well. Try to understand your motives when you say” I like you, but I don’t like your behavior.”
by James Burns | Mar 27, 2018 | Academics, Grading Practices, James Burns, Self Esteem, The Bully Proof Classroom
How do you feel when you’ve accomplished something? Better yet how do you feel when you’ve accomplished something and you’ve worked long and hard at it? Whether it’s losing weight, finishing college at 40 years old, quitting smoking. or solving a problem that you’ve encountered for the first time it feels great when you look back and can say it didn’t beat me, I got it done. The relief of knowing that the task is complete lifts a tremendous amount of emotional weight off your shoulders. It’s not just how you feel about getting the job done, and putting a check mark next to the task on the to – do list that makes you feel good, It’s how you feel about yourself and what it does to your own level of self esteem that really makes the difference. You begin to feel more confident in other areas of life and are not so resistant to try something new again for fear of failure. Kids are no different, once they experience success they are more open to trying new things and are not as resistant to instruction because in their mind they know that they have had past successes. Those past successes though have to be true successes, kids can’t be given a false sense of their abilities in grade one by being given good grades for their work because by the time they reach the second or third grade they will discover just how much they don’t know leading to low self esteem and ultimately fear of failure.
The only way to avoid this potential problem from occurring is to consistently hold students accountable for their work, have high academic expectations, and to work students until you are convinced that they have mastered the material that was taught them. Once students are convinced that you will not accept shoddy work and they will have to do work over and over again until their grade is acceptable they will work to get the assignment right the first time. After the student puts the work in and achieves success, and really know the concept being taught he/she to will look back and say to him or herself that this assignment didn’t beat me. Giving poor grades doesn’t lower student self esteem. Low self esteem comes when the student doesn’t understand the concepts and is not given the opportunity to improve. Tougher grading practices hold students accountable for an acceptable grade, and provides additional instruction to ensure that the student has the opportunity to master the material. Students need opportunities to succeed but, they also need opportunities to fail. It is those failures that should be the red flag for the teacher as to what the student doesn’t know. Once those failures are overcome, a sense of success will encourage the student to be more diligent in his efforts and improve how he or she feels about themselves academically.
by James Burns | Feb 25, 2013 | Bully Proof Classroom, Parents, Teachers
Psychologists used to believe that bullies have low self-esteem, and put down other people in order to feel better about themselves. While many bullies are themselves bullied at home or at school, new research shows that most bullies actually have excellent self-esteem. Bullies usually have a sense of entitlement and superiority over others, and lack compassion, impulse control and social skills. They enjoy being cruel to others and sometimes use bullying as an anger management tool, the way a normally angry person would punch a pillow. Research does support the fact that bullies have low empathy, and they really don’t know how it feels to be in someone else’s shoes.
A bully is motivated by power. He/she is very clever and can victimize anyone. He likes controlling other students, and sometimes likes controlling his/her parents and teachers as well. As long as the bully is able to manipulate another person or a situation, his/her self-esteem remains high. Once a bully loses control of their victim, or realizes that they can’t manipulate situations to their liking they begin to experience problems with their self esteem and they will then seek out other people to manipulate and control to raise their self-esteem. It almost becomes an emotional fix that they need in order to feel good about themselves.
Intervention programs usually work to help the victim, and rightly so, the victim needs assistance in dealing with the person who is bullying them. In working with the bully we need to help the bully find things that will help him keep a consistent self-esteem index. Everyone has ups and downs in life, and bullies should experience the same ebbs and flows that are associated with becoming an adult. A bully’s self esteem cannot be based on how they treat others. If clear lines are not drawn and the bully is allowed to continue his behavior without consequence we are doing nothing more than prepare him for prison.
