by James Burns | Dec 26, 2018 | Burns' Bench
This Is The Final Installment On Responsibility Taken From Anti Bullying 101
Do you ever watch Crime Seen Investigation? (CSI) I do, occasionally. I am amazed how all the evidence that is collected can point directly at the suspect in question, but they just can’t seem to figure out a motive. They need the motive to convict the person of the crime. We all know what the motive of a bully is right? Power, they want to have power and control over a smaller or weaker person.
How do you change the motive of a bully?
By being the strongest and most influential person in the classroom. That’s right you the teacher have this ability. You don’t need to use power; you need to use your influence. When your students realize that you are in charge their motives change from wanting to hurt, to wanting to help. They have met their match. Remember it is not about the influence of your power, but rather the power of your influence.
Bench Notice
The motive of a person is buried somewhere deep within in their secret life. It’s never revealed until a therapist or someone in the legal field starts to dig for answers as to the reason why some act or crime was committed. Bullies are driven by power as I stated above, victims by revenge.
In knowing this, it should be the job of school personnel, parents, and the community to be aware of those that are being victimized and to do their best to work with them to overcome the trauma of bullying. School shootings are usually carried out with revenge in mind. Let’s do our best to Strengthen the victims, and to hold bullies accountable for their actions.
by James Burns | Dec 11, 2018 | Burns' Bench
What is the definition of the word worry? Any thoughts? Worry occurs when we assume a responsibility that we were never intended to have. How often do we worry about things that are just out of our control? I do all the time. But, what responsibilities are ours and ours alone? We are all responsible for out thoughts, words, actions, attitudes, and motives. As teachers we need to teach our kids about these areas. For the next five days I will be sharing tips on how to teach these responsibilities to our students. We teach in two ways, through direct instruction and by example. How can I be an example for my students and help them to always evaluate their thoughts? Instead of asking them after a bullying event; what were you thinking, ask them daily; what do you have on your mind today. Begin an open dialogue with your students. A technique I happen to really like that I learned from Dr. Allen Mendler who wrote Discipline with Dignity is called the 2 X 10. Take a student that is a known bully and have a 2 minute conversation with him like you would with a friend. Ask a question or two about other classes that the student is in, or maybe discuss a sports team you know that he/she is interested in. Do this for 10 days straight. What will happen around the eighth day is the student will come to you for the conversation. You can then begin to peak into the thought life of this student. You may make a new friend.
Enjoy The Responsibility Worksheet
Bench Notice
Responsibility and accountability: These are words that we see as very interchangeable. But, really not so much. A child or an adult can be responsible for their actions without being held accountable. Often students are found responsible for their actions but are never held accountable with a consequence, or a consequence of any meaning. By that I mean a consequence that will stop recalcitrant behaviors. Children and adults are imprinted by their up bringing and their experiences and by past events that will drive their thoughts into actions. This can be both good and bad. When thoughts are formed that are negative in nature these thoughts will begin drive behaviors such as isolation, depression, and anxiety. A positive imprint will result in the development of a self image and a world view that promotes thoughts and the belief that I am a contributor and that I am capable. Children who have been victimized by abuse, neglect, hurtful words, and exclusion can begin to believe the lies to be true and see themselves as unworthy of healthy and rewarding relationships and experiences with others. Bullies are driven be power, victims are driven be revenge. We need to begin to focus more on the victim than on the bully if we are going to make a difference in the mental health of our children and help to improve the climate of our schools.
by James Burns | Nov 8, 2018 | Kids and Stress, The Bully Proof Classroom, The Ramblings of a Dinosaur
Before the 1960’s, most people watched television in black and white and looking back at what society was like fifty years ago, it seems like people looked at life in terms of black and white as well. Things were either right or they were wrong. There wasn’t too much in between. Some of the things we viewed as wrong were disrespectful children, smoking pot, and sex before marriage. Some of the things society viewed as right were children not talking back to their parents or teachers and conservative dress. If you want to look back and see exactly what society viewed as right versus wrong, just watch an old episode of Leave It to Beaver for some fun and a little proof.
After World War II, a new kind of generation was born in the United States. Because of the after effects of the War, the United States experienced an economical boom which resulted in high income jobs with unemployment rates at an all time low. Education was also enhanced by the government and universities and colleges were encouraging people to get a college degree. Education was cheap and was readily available. In fact, many took college courses to help get promoted and to open up higher paying job opportunities
Because of this lifestyle; many people became financially secure. This financial freedom allowed people to have more children and there was a significant increase in birth rates. People who were born within this period are called baby boomers. Baby boomers were born between the years of 1946-1964.
To me, it seems like things really changed during this generation. Dr. Spock came along and his book that became a child rearing bible for many people, and parents changed their approach to raising their children. It started to become in vogue for parents to be less authoritarian and more liberal in their child rearing approach. The result? The baby boomers themselves took this to an extreme when they began to have children themselves. They took this more liberal mentality and kicked it up a huge notch and moderation was taken to excess.
Baby boomer parents believed that their babies and then their children had the right to decide everything. This included when they got fed, what they wanted to eat, what they wanted to wear and what they wanted to say and do. The idea was children had the right to choose.For baby boomer children, things were no longer black and white. Nothing was totally wrong anymore. Everything was allowed or could be rationalized in some way. Parents couldn’t establish rules in black and white because it might hurt their child’s self esteem. At all costs, adults had to make children feel good about themselves. The idea came into popularity that parents have to “respect” their children.
The concept of respect is a great idea and children should be loved and respected, but it was taken to a rather ridiculous extreme. Respect for children came to mean allowing them to say and do anything they wanted. Baby boomer children no longer learned self control in their words and actions. This actually resulted in children feeling entitled and not showing respect for anyone else but themselves. Basically, baby boomer children became extremely selfish, self-indulgent, arrogant and demanding. Everything was about feeling good about themselves but for no apparent reason no matter what the cost.
We are now dealing with the children of baby boomers. They are being referred to as the millennial generation and now generation X,Y, and Z. Only time will tell what their problems will be. One thing that seems for sure is that the days of right and wrong/black and white are gone forever. You can watch “Leave It To Beaver” on MeTV.
by James Burns | Oct 21, 2018 | James Burns, Respect, Responsibility, The Bully Proof Classroom, The Ramblings of a Dinosaur
Many years ago, a wonderful friend of mine asked me what the smallest part of the body is. I was very young and probably very stupid at the time. I responded with “Duh, a finger.” He commented to me, “No it’s the tongue.” He also said to me that although the tongue is the smallest part of the body, it can do the most damage. I never forgot the conversation that I had with him. Unfortunately he has since passed away and I miss him dearly. Even at 63 years old I could sure use a lot more of his advice and teaching today.
Our words can really do some damage. Damage sometimes that can be life long.Sometimes we don’t even know what were doing. Maybe we just were never taught how to keep quiet. Kids and adults can shoot their mouth off and think that they are being funny or that they’re standing up for themselves. In reality they may be doing more harm than good.
I was watching a baseball game very recently and watched one of the players go crazy over a called third strike. This is a grown man. He had to be restrained by three other players and the manager. Of course, he was thrown out of the game. He was also suspended for three games right in the middle of a pennant race. I guess he really showed them. What a dope.
We also like to have laughs at someone else’s expense. My philosophy is if we both aren’t laughing, it’s not funny. Kids today have a real problem with behavior like this. They say things, get a laugh and really hurt the feelings of another person. I don’t even think that they are aware of the fact that people are listening and not everyone is impressed with their wit. Plus, they are creating a negative image of themselves in the minds of other people.
That wonderful friend of mine who talked to me about the tongue was also full of illustrations and stories that were inspiring and instructional. He illustrated this societal problem with a true story that I always refer to as the “Deaf Boy Story” and it is worth sharing here.
There were two boys who were brothers. One of the boys was deaf. They had a friend who hung around with them all the time. This friend was the biggest jokester on two feet. He was always telling jokes or making fun of someone or something. One day, the three boys were headed out of the house. This jokester started to make fun of the way the deaf boy spoke. The deaf kid of course couldn’t hear,and the brother gave a half hearted laugh as they left the house. No harm no foul? The deaf kid didn’t hear so no one got hurt. No one else heard right? No one heard except the deaf kid’s father who was reading the paper in the den.
Let’s fast forward the tape. At the time of this incident, these two boys were sophomores in college. Two years went by and they both graduated with degrees in business administration. Both boys went on the job hunt. This jokester had an interview with a large insurance company. He had to go through one more phase of the hiring process which was to meet the vice – president of the company. Who do you think the vice-president was? The deaf kid’s father. Unfortunately the only perception he had of this young man was that this boy had made fun of his son! It cost the young man the job.
People hear and they watch, too. You never know when you are going to need someone or something. The things that are the greatest desires of our hearts are the things that will be withheld from us because of our past words or actions. Self-control is important and, if your tongue, a one ounce body part, has more control over you than you have over it, it will cost you when least expect it. You never know.
How To Teach Respect and Responsibility
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by James Burns | Feb 19, 2018 | Behavior Management, Bullies, Bully Proof Classroom, Responsible words
I can say what I want to when I want to. I guess that’s freedom of speech. I guess we can post or text anything we want to as well. Kids have been sold this. What kids need to understand is that they can say, post, and text whatever they want, WITH CONSEQUENCES. Just because we are thinking something doesn’t mean we have to say it. Our students need to evaluate their words and what damage those words can do to others. The tongue weighs about 2 ounces; yet, it can control the events of our life. Healthy confrontations, debates, and constructive suggestion are good qualities of communication that we all should develop. Spewing, spreading rumors, gossip, and hurtful statements will only create a school environment that is void of morals, trust, and integrity. Teach your students that if they are going to say something that could prove hurtful, to just wait 30 minutes. This wait-time will allow them to evaluate the cost of their words and avoid the guilt that they will experience for hurting another person. We are all just a compilation of what others have said and done to us. Remember, victims suffer because of verbal abuse. Words truly can cut deep into the heart of person.
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