by James Burns | May 6, 2013 | Anti Bullying Tips, Bully Proof Classroom, Parents, Teachers
There is a lot of talk about bullying these days, and it seems as though the epidemic is getting worse and worse. The more we talk about it and bring attention to the bullying and suicides, the more often they occur. It’s like bullying and suicide have become trends.
So what is this?
My observation is that everything in this universe is cyclical, spinning and spinning and creating its own momentum.
The sky absorbs water from the earth, rain then falls and lands back on the earth, only to be absorbed again and turn into rain again.
Rain is the cause of Rain.
A person is teased and ridiculed by another person, he then ridicules and hates himself, thus causing him to hate, tease, and ridicule other people.
Bullying is the cause of Bullying.
And then there is another cycle I see…
A students reads from a textbook in school and learns all about the wars that have been fought in the world throughout history. Meanwhile, he is told that there is a zero-tolerance policy for violence in school, and if he should break that rule, he will be punished. However, as soon as that student turns 18 and graduates, he can go to war – sometimes against his own will – and be given a gun to fight… This war in which he partook will then be written about in textbooks, to be discussed in school throughout the years to come.
What kind of message are we sending to our children?
It seems a bit mixed and hypocritical to me…
Bullying is a heated topic for discussion nowadays. We talk about the bully as the antagonist, the victim of bullying as the protagonist, the parents of the victim who are reluctant to send their children to school… The other day, I even saw a commercial for a new online schooling program, that is available to students who are being bullied, so that they do not have to go to school in person anymore…. What are we doing?!
Let’s talk about the issue. Let’s talk about who is hurting here.
The victim? Yes. Who is the victim?
Our first answer to this would most likely be, “The child who is being bullied, of course!” And yes, I agree. That child is a victim. But who else?
The bully. The bully is hurting.
“Hurt people hurt people”
– Will Bowen
It’s all a cycle. The child who is initially hurting the most, is the bully.
So now what do we do?
Does it still make sense to simply instill a non-violence policy in school?
Does it still make sense to simply punish the child who breaks the rules?
We need to show compassion and love to the child who is hurting so much, that he has to hand his negative energy to another child, as if to say, “Please. Let me just share my hurt with you, so that I don’t have to bare the burden all by myself. It’s all I have to give.”
Rain is the cause of Rain. Bullying is the cause of Bullying. And guess what else?
Love is the cause of Love.
by James Burns | Mar 8, 2012 | Bully Proof Classroom, cyberbullying, Teachers
I had the pleasure of speaking with Jim Burns on our blog talk radio show this past Tuesday about the differences between feelings and emotions. For the purpose of our discussion, we defined feelings as the overall demeanor; our disposition. Emotions were defined as the way we feel day-to-day and sometimes minute-to-minute. By understanding the difference, we are able to view bullying in a new light.
Did you ever wake up in the morning, stub your toe as you’re getting out of bed, and say, “Ugh. It’s going to be one of those days…”? Suddenly, you feel out of sorts and frustrated, maybe even angry at your bed or the object that just hurt your toe. Then, for the rest of the day, you feel agitated. Everything gets under your skin, and you just wish you were back in bed. You might have a thought like, “Where am I today? I’m not being myself.” Sure you are. You are absolutely being yourself. This is a dimension of yourself coming out, that perhaps you don’t like. But regardless, it is you. You might as well accept it and learn to love it just as much as the dimension you define as “yourself.” And do you know why? Because this is just one emotion you are experiencing.
Your overall demeanor is hopefully one of a happy, content, joyful person. Maybe it’s not. But the first step to changing, is recognizing the things you are AND the things you are not. The next step is accepting your dimensions. And the third is loving them. It might sound crazy to love yourself when you’re feeling angry, thus making everyone around you miserable. But a huge part of being angry is the resistance that comes with it. What if, on a day when you felt angry, you were to accept it and say, “I don’t feel well today, and I love myself for it.”? What if?
What if you could switch your thoughts? After-all, “what you resist persists.”
You can’t give someone something you don’t have. When I speak at schools nationally through Hey U.G.L.Y. (Unique.Gifted.Lovable.You.- www.heyugly.org), I sing and talk to the students about feelings vs. emotions. We discuss how our emotions are directly correlated to how we interact with and treat other people throughout the day. You could be an overall happy person having a “bad” day, or you could be an overall nice person who is making other people feel agitated and angry, because you’re having a “bad” day. By choosing to accept these temporary emotions, we build our self-love, thus breaking the cycle and being able to give love to other people!
So accept yourself today. No matter what you are feeling/emoting. Choose acceptance.
Please check out my music and current projects at www.devynrush.com andwww.youtube.com/devynrushmusic. Follow me on Twitter: @devynrush, and email me at devynrush@heyugly.org.
My debut EP (due to release inMay) is now available for pre-order. Please email me if you are interested in a copy!
A Special Thank-You to my wonderful guitarist and friend, Charlie Rauh, who gave Jim and me so many great ideas for our discussion.
You can listen to this entire show by clicking on the blog talk radio banner on the bottom right.
