by James Burns | Oct 21, 2018 | James Burns, Respect, Responsibility, The Bully Proof Classroom, The Ramblings of a Dinosaur
Many years ago, a wonderful friend of mine asked me what the smallest part of the body is. I was very young and probably very stupid at the time. I responded with “Duh, a finger.” He commented to me, “No it’s the tongue.” He also said to me that although the tongue is the smallest part of the body, it can do the most damage. I never forgot the conversation that I had with him. Unfortunately he has since passed away and I miss him dearly. Even at 63 years old I could sure use a lot more of his advice and teaching today.
Our words can really do some damage. Damage sometimes that can be life long.Sometimes we don’t even know what were doing. Maybe we just were never taught how to keep quiet. Kids and adults can shoot their mouth off and think that they are being funny or that they’re standing up for themselves. In reality they may be doing more harm than good.
I was watching a baseball game very recently and watched one of the players go crazy over a called third strike. This is a grown man. He had to be restrained by three other players and the manager. Of course, he was thrown out of the game. He was also suspended for three games right in the middle of a pennant race. I guess he really showed them. What a dope.
We also like to have laughs at someone else’s expense. My philosophy is if we both aren’t laughing, it’s not funny. Kids today have a real problem with behavior like this. They say things, get a laugh and really hurt the feelings of another person. I don’t even think that they are aware of the fact that people are listening and not everyone is impressed with their wit. Plus, they are creating a negative image of themselves in the minds of other people.
That wonderful friend of mine who talked to me about the tongue was also full of illustrations and stories that were inspiring and instructional. He illustrated this societal problem with a true story that I always refer to as the “Deaf Boy Story” and it is worth sharing here.
There were two boys who were brothers. One of the boys was deaf. They had a friend who hung around with them all the time. This friend was the biggest jokester on two feet. He was always telling jokes or making fun of someone or something. One day, the three boys were headed out of the house. This jokester started to make fun of the way the deaf boy spoke. The deaf kid of course couldn’t hear,and the brother gave a half hearted laugh as they left the house. No harm no foul? The deaf kid didn’t hear so no one got hurt. No one else heard right? No one heard except the deaf kid’s father who was reading the paper in the den.
Let’s fast forward the tape. At the time of this incident, these two boys were sophomores in college. Two years went by and they both graduated with degrees in business administration. Both boys went on the job hunt. This jokester had an interview with a large insurance company. He had to go through one more phase of the hiring process which was to meet the vice – president of the company. Who do you think the vice-president was? The deaf kid’s father. Unfortunately the only perception he had of this young man was that this boy had made fun of his son! It cost the young man the job.
People hear and they watch, too. You never know when you are going to need someone or something. The things that are the greatest desires of our hearts are the things that will be withheld from us because of our past words or actions. Self-control is important and, if your tongue, a one ounce body part, has more control over you than you have over it, it will cost you when least expect it. You never know.
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by James Burns | Oct 20, 2018 | James Burns, The Bully Proof Classroom
The legend has it that a posse of six members of the Texas Ranger Division pursuing a band of outlaws led by Bartholomew “Butch” Cavendish is betrayed by a civilian guide named Collins and is ambushed in a canyon named Bryant’s Gap. Later, an Indian stumbles onto the scene and discovers one ranger is barely alive, and he nurses the man back to health. The Indian recognizes the lone survivor as the man who saved his life when they both were children. The Indian gave the man named Reid a ring and the name Kemo Sabe, which means “trusty scout”. Among the Rangers killed was the survivor’s older brother, Daniel Reid, who was a captain in the Texas Rangers and the leader of the ambushed group. To conceal his identity and honor his fallen brother, Reid fashions a black domino mask using cloth from his late brother’s vest. To aid in the deception, the Indian digs a sixth grave and places at its head a cross bearing Reid’s name so that Cavendish and his gang would believe that all of the Rangers had been killed. The Indian’s name was Tonto and Reid the lone surviving ranger from the ambush became The Lone Ranger.
Taken in part from Wikipedia
Why is this story so important today? A radio and television series that ran in the late 1940’s through the mid 50’s that I didn’t even have an opportunity to watch, and really didn’t understand what the Lone Ranger represented until very recently while watching retro television. It’s fiction, but as I watched it I came to realize that this show was not just for its entertainment qualities but how it depicted what was right with the world and how one man could make a difference.
The Lone Ranger lived by a certain moral code. He was consistent, never changed, and even when he had to use his gun he never shot to kill but rather to disarm. He had the ability to disarm the perpetrator using both physical and verbal means.
He believed:
That to have a friend, a man must be one/ that all men are created equal and that everyone has within himself the power to make this a better world/ that God put the firewood there but that every man must gather and light it himself/ in being prepared physically, mentally, and morally and to fight when necessary for what is right/ that a man should make the most of what equipment he has/ that ‘this government, of the people, by the people and for the people’ shall live always/ that men should live by the rule of what is best for the greatest number/ that sooner or later …somewhere…somehow…we must settle with the world and make payment for what we have taken/ that all things change but truth, and that truth alone, lives on forever/ in his Creator, his country, and his fellow man.
We live in a world today that is so filled with intolerance, disrespect, irresponsibility and at times hatred that one may ask: why bother trying to use his standard to live by? I ask why not: Remember his name, The Lone Ranger, one man who was trying to make the world a better place. We need to teach our kids some of the qualities of the Lone Ranger and help them begin to believe that they have the ability to make changes in this world. The key to the 99 is the 1. One person can make a difference in this world and slowly but surely the tide begins to change. First in one circle and then in others until the masses believe that they all have the ability to make a difference.
Where do we start? Well let’s see what we can begin to do to change ourselves first, then how we can help others by using some of The Lone Ranger’s moral code.
To have a friend, a man must be one
The Lone Ranger had Tonto and they were inseparable. They stood back to back for what was right and just. They cared for each other and had a loyalty that is rarely seen today. They befriended others and took the time to cultivate relationships with the good guys and yes at times the bad guys as well. They worked to see the good in others and when someone was headed down the wrong path they tried to help them right their wrongs. They always reached out. Is this something that we do today or better yet do we teach our kids to help others who are the victims of bullying, abuse or alienation. To have a friend one must first show themselves to be friendly.
All men are created equal and that everyone has within himself the power to make this a better world
Where do we stand in the area of tolerance and prejudice? Do we allow the news to guide our thinking? Do we work to see the good in others or do we believe that one bad apple spoils the whole bunch? These are tough questions but things can easily be changed with the right words and attitudes regarding those who have weaknesses or who are different. Learn the art of disagreeing with the right attitude and teach your kids to do the same. We all have different beliefs but one’s belief doesn’t warrant disrespect, but rather understanding.
God put the firewood there but that every man must gather and light it himself
Are we responsible or do we blame others for our lot in life. Circumstances are what they are, whether it be upbringing, genetics, or some other force we all have the ability to be responsible for what we think, say, and do. How do we handle adversity? Do we help our children be resilient or do we allow them to fold under pressure. The skills are there for the taking we just have to light a match to throw some light on a problem that seems unsolvable.
Being prepared physically, mentally, and morally and to fight when necessary for what is right
How do we make decisions? Do we do it by the seat of our pants or are we prepared to stand on the principles of right and wrong. We have to be prepared when entering the battles of life and stand on what the facts are not what are emotions are telling us. When problems are presented to us our beliefs will determine our actions. My question is; what do you believe in?
A man should make the most of what equipment he has
How do we optimize our resources? Are we creative or do we give up at the smallest challenge? Are we down on ourselves because we are working at a job that seems to be going nowhere? Whatever our skills are we need to use them for the greater good. When confronted by an issue remember, no fear, be courageous and realize that you have the power, the love, and a sound mind to tackle anything.
This government, of the people, by the people and for the people’ shall live always
The government which has been around for what seems like forever will always live. The question is do we agree with it and the people running it. When I watch a campaign ad it seems like the candidate spends more time telling me what’s wrong with the other candidate then what their owns strengths are. So much time spent on negative talk and besmirching each other can grow long in the tooth. Yes, it probably will live forever; my question is how do we tolerate it when the candidate of our choice is not in office? Or better yet, how do we help our kids manage it when all they hear is negativity, and at times lies from the people who are in office.
Men should live by the rule of what is best for the greatest number
We have a tendency today to fear the minority. When I worked as a school administrator it seemed like one parental complaint could change an entire policy. Everyone isn’t always happy but for some reason we always try to make everyone happy. How do you handle it when you are in the minority and you break a law or violate an employment policy? Rules are in place for the majority and need to be adhered to. Tell your kids that and help them understand the reason for certain rules, laws, and policies.
Sooner or later…somewhere…somehow…we must settle with the world and make payment for what we have taken
Some call it Karma, some call it the universe, and some say what goes around comes around. Whatever it is life has a way of balancing things out. How do we know when payback might be coming? Your conscience will bother you. The world will give you time to right a wrong but if you don’t, its payback might be more than you can bear. If your conscience tells you to make things right with someone or to make restitution, do it regardless of how uncomfortable it might be. That uncomfortable feeling will seem like nothing when you compare it to what the world has to offer.
All things change but truth, and that truth alone, lives on forever
People lie and they know. There are liars all over the place. There are also folks who are known as embellishers. They seem to deal in hyperbole or always make the $100 dollars they made look like $1000. In my experience I have come across three types of liars: 1) The Situational Reactive liar. This guy will lie when it’s just as easy to tell the truth. His lying is based on the situation and the reaction he might get from his/her spouse or someone of consequence. 2) The Con Artist. This fellow could sell ice to an Eskimo or some you some undeveloped land in the backwoods of Virginia: a piece of land that everyone is just dying to buy, so you better pay for it now, sight unseen of course. 3) The Withholder. This is where it usually starts with kids. You ask them a question and the answer they give is about 90% true. They leave out the other 10% because it might incriminate them. My question here is which one are you, and what do you tell your kids when the cashier gives you too much change back, or when they ask you the speed limit when you know full well that you are speeding. Sure enough the truth does live forever and it will surely make you free.
The Lone Ranger believed in his Creator, his country, and his fellow man
The Lone Ranger believed and he didn’t need proof. Call it altruistic, call it faith, call it what you want, he believed. The belief in things that are unseen can be risky, but in the long run may be well worth it. Try putting some positive energy though into your country and your fellow man and you might find out that the world may not have changed, but you did. The outlook becomes brighter and you begin to develop a greater sense of the beauty of the world and begin to realize that the people in it are part of that beauty.
A character in a radio and TV show that was created with a purpose. Before Superman, Batman, and Spiderman the kids in the 40’s and 50’s had The Lone Ranger. No special powers, not from another planet, but a real flesh and blood superhero who offered some guidelines on how to live a life of character, treat others, and understand that one person can truly make a difference.
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by James Burns | Oct 19, 2018 | Behavior Management, James Burns, Respect, Responsibility, The Bully Proof Classroom, The Ramblings of a Dinosaur
Thank God for Nick at Night. You know the station that gives you shows like “Leave it To Beaver” or “Lassie.” I was watching“Leave it To Beaver the other day” and could not help but notice how all the adults were called Mr. and Mrs. No Ms. back then. Of course, Eddie Haskell was a bit of a phony when he addressed Beaver’s parents. “Hello, Mrs. Cleaver” or “Hello, Mr. Cleaver.” Then Eddie would run up to Wally’s room and refer to Wally’s dad as “Your old man.”
The question I asked myself is whatever happened to Mr. and Mrs.? Even when I worked as a principal the students called me Burns not Mr. Burns. I listen to my kids refer to their friends mom or dad as Colleen, Tony, Rich, or Barbara.
Lets face it…respect is just not there any more. Everyone thinks that the ground is level. Is anyone in charge out there or is a kid our peer? The less respect kids have for the casual adults they meet, the less respect they will have for teachers, police officers, and yea their employers.
Let’s see if we can turn the tide a little. Speak to the parents of your kids friends and call them Mr. or Mrs. especially in front of your kids. Let’s get our kids to show respect for folks that are older than they are and make them aware that the ground is not level, somebody is older and smarter than they are so they should be treated that way.
I have a dear friend who I have known for 25 years. He has four boys between the ages of 26 and 39. I have known them since they were teenagers and younger. They were calling me Mr. Burns up until 5 years ago. That is when I told them to call me Jim.
by James Burns | Oct 13, 2018 | Baby Boomers, Behavior Management, James Burns, Parents, The Bully Proof Classroom
I never wanted to go to college, never thought I was smart enough. My father had different plans for me. He told me I was going. I wanted to take over the family business which was a bar. I mean after all in my senior year in high school
I was taking classes like Chinese Literature and wood shop. I don’t think I took one college level class in high school so how would any college accept me. I made a deal with my father I would apply to three colleges and if any one of them accepted me, I would go. I applied to a junior college, a state school, and to some school in the back woods of Virginia. They all accepted me. I went to the state school.
I think I mentioned this but I’ll say it again my first semester in college I had a 1.0 cumulative average. That’s a D. I got a letter from the college telling me to shape up or I was going to be asked to leave. I showed the letter to my father and said to him “See I told you I couldn’t do it.” He looked at me and said “You better do it because I am selling the bar.” I ended up graduating from college with much help from professors. My cumulative average: 2.9. If you do the math you will find out that is just about all straight A’s.
What motivated me you might ask? FEAR with a capital F. I had to do it. There was no safety net. Yes, I was afraid, scared, and a lot of other things but you know what…I did it. I once worked with a great psychiatrist and he made the most unbelievable statement to me you could ever imagine. He said to me “Jim, before a kid can be really disciplined, you have to have fear.”
Not a fear of physical punishment but a fear of disappointing someone, or even a fear of a strong reaction. I think the word that has gotten lost today is respect. I will usually respect what I fear. Do kids today have a healthy fear of adults? Do they respect adults or better yet one another? Kids today believe they can say and do what they want, when they want. It is time to begin to instill a healthy fear again into our kids and make them shutter at the idea that they might disappoint someone. I am really sick of the “I don’t care attitude.” If it wasn’t for fear, I wouldn’t be writing this essay right now.
by James Burns | Oct 12, 2018 | Baby Boomers, Behavior Management, Bully Proof Classroom, James Burns, Parents, The Bully Proof Classroom, The Ramblings of a Dinosaur
Have you ever wondered why your parents did some of the things that they did. I did lots of times. My dad had so many regimented activities that I thought he had a screw lose or something. I’m only going to talk about two here because there are too many to put into one essay.
I really spent time observing my dad as a kid and listening to him. It wasn’t until I was about forty that I realized some of the benefits of his behavior and, very recently, some of the real benefits of his behavior. My dad had an unbelievable fear of getting a cold. He came home from WWII with malaria and tuberculosis. He was always cautious of sharing food, towels, cups, and silverware. Any watermark on silverware in a restaurant was sent back immediately.
I remember one time in a restaurant in New York a fork went back three times. Some people send food back. He sent the silverware back. It got so bad that one guy sitting close to use told my dad that the he thought that the waitress was on Candid Camera.
If you sneezed you were accused of trying to bring a cold into the house, to try and kill him. He was hospitalized on December 27, 1967 due to a re-occurrence of the TB and was sent to the infirmary at the veteran’s hospital in East Orange NJ for 3 months. When he was released from the hospital anything and everything could give him a cold.
Two things were absolutes, cold feet and white flour. I never saw my father walk around without shoes or slippers on. He wouldn’t walk three feet without putting on a pair of slippers. If you sneezed, he would always ask you what you ate. My sister, my mother, and I thought he was crazy. Bare feet and white flour would make you sick and if you got sick, well as he put it, “If I get a cold I am finished.”
All of these things I observed always stuck with me. When I was about 40 years old I started to battle my weight. Always watching my calories and trying to stay in shape. The Atkins diet started to become very popular along with other diets that restricted carbohydrates, and other foods that contained you guessed it, white flour. Exactly what the old boy was talking about 30 years ago. Suddenly everyone had a carbohydrate allergy, was gaining weight, had type-two diabetes, high blood pressure, and all kinds of health issues because of white flour. I started to watch my white flour intake and I started to lose weight. The stuff I loved as a kid was something that could kill me. The stuff that my father said could make me sick was making me sick.
Recently I was walking around the backyard wearing a pair of three dollar flip flops. I have a tendency to drag my feet when I walk primarily because my feet are kind of flat, something my dad had also. I walked from the shed to the concrete walkway and slammed my right foot into an Adirondack chair. I know I broke the middle toe. At least it looked broken.
The next day passing through the garage I stubbed the same toe on a hand weight in the middle of the floor. I got into the car in agony, looked down at my foot which had the same three dollar flip-flop on it and I could hear my father say to me, “Will you please put your slippers on.”
This isn’t the first time I stubbed that toe but it is the first time it dawned on me that my father knew me because I was just like him. He didn’t want me to go through the same agonies that he had gone through. He didn’t want me to get fat or stub my toes. Unfortunately, he just had a strange way of letting me know. I don’t think he ever gave me the reason why he did what he did. That’s probably why it took me thirty years to figure it out on my own. If I could ask for something I would ask that my two daughters learn the reasons why I do what I do quicker than I learned things from my father. There’s a question that kids ask all the time “Why do we have to do this?” Sometimes by the time that gets figured out, it’s too late. So put your slippers on and have a piece of whole wheat toast, you’ll be glad you did.
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by James Burns | Oct 11, 2018 | James Burns, Parents, The Bully Proof Classroom, The Ramblings of a Dinosaur
Wounds Can Be Healed With The Right Words and Actions
As a young boy I experienced all kinds of problems in my family. My father was a bar owner and a binge drinker. His behavior was very unpredictable at times, and we never knew what was going to set him off. We were always walking around on egg shells because we didn’t want to say or do something that would send him off on a drinking binge.
I knew though that my father had a real interest in me, and wanted the very best for me. He just had a hard time expressing how he felt. As I became older and entered my teenage years my dad started to enjoy watching me play high school and community league baseball. He would go to my games, leave alone when the game was over (as I went with my friends), and would usually say very little to me about my performance. I never really expected him to say anything, so I was never disappointed.
During the summer of 1971, I was 16 years old. My first cousin, Jim, and I spent a lot of time together at each other’s houses. We played baseball and hung out with other kids. I enjoyed the visits and so did he. He was an only child and I was the only boy in my family. We had a lot in common, and during this time, we were pretty good friends. My cousin wasn’t quite as good at baseball as I was but he was what I call a rooter. He enjoyed watching baseball and really enjoyed watching me play.
During one of his visits, I had a scheduled game. I had to be at the game early so my dad and cousin came later. During the game I had three hits including the game winning hit. I was the catcher and threw three runners out trying to steal second base. I had a great game. When the game was over my dad drove my cousin back to his house, and I hung out with my friends.
I went home, went to bed, got up early the next morning and left the house. The normal routine was that my mother would open the bar in the morning. My father would sleep a little later and then relieve her in the bar around 11:00 in the morning. He would work until about 4:00 in the afternoon and then come upstairs and take a nap. I can always remember him sitting in his recliner napping in the afternoon. He needed that nap; he was in his late 50’s and had to be ready to work the night shift.
That afternoon, I returned home around 5:00 to find my father in his recliner, but he was awake. He jumped up out of his chair like he had a spring under him. He ran over to me and hugged me hard and said, “I was so proud of you last night.” I thanked him, and I felt him squeeze me like he never did before. I felt the warmth of his body, but even more felt the warmth of his words.
I’m in my 60’s now and I still remember that hug and those words. Some-times parents can say so much to their kids about their performance that it can almost seem like white noise. Most kids know their parents are going to speak well of them because they are their parents. But sometimes kids can get a false sense of their abilities when their parents go overboard with the praise. But, the right words of praise and encouragement at the right time can actually change a child’s life. In my case, my dad didn’t offer a lot of praise. As a matter of fact he was very critical of me at times.
This experience was life-changing for me. I quickly forgot all the times my father had said critical things to me. As a father myself, I know I have the power to determine how my own children view themselves. A father’s words do truly make a difference.
